Ok, so...
You know something? Embarking on a new "relationship" is scary. I call it a "relationship" because no one ever really knows if that is what it is going to turn into. I don't even know if I think it is a good idea (it breaks several of my salient pieces of advice, but this is common for me - others learn from me, yet I never do). And you know, there are many people who say that the feeling of "butterflies in your stomach", or that anxiety you get right before you meet up with a new "prospect" is exciting and exhilirating - even I would probably say this at times - but all those people, including me, are completely insane. Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it? And conversely, when we are feeling it we'd rather be feeling anything else.
There are plenty of times where we begin seeing someone new and we think that this may be our next (or first?) serious relationship. Everything seems to be falling into place just so. You really like this person and think, oh yeah, this is totally not like all the irresponsilble flings I've had (or is that just me who does that?). There is something special, something different here. Yet so often, it doesn't turn out like that. Heck, this blog is a good example of how things regularly don't work out like that. In the almost three months that I've been writing here, (can you believe it's been three months? I can't. Time flies.) I've written about countless hilarious, painful, and embarrassing situations that I have been in, and ALL of them have not panned out. I've spent these last three months being quite single, and may perhaps spend the next three in that exact same position...or not? I guess only time will tell - something I'm amazingly fine with for one reason or another. Either way, I don't know who decided that starting a new "relationship" was exciting! They just deserve a good clock in the face because it's stressful and weighs on you as you try and decide what comes next, and essentially, whether or not what happens next should be anything at all.
From my bed at quarter to 2,
- Jenn
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better?
Ok, so...
First of all, Merry Christmas! I hope you are all well!
Secondly. Karma is a bitch.
I have been learning this repeatedly over the last few days.
Example #1:
On Sunday night my church had it's annual carol service. This thing has been going on for about as long as I can remember. Seriously. And for the last couple years I have always sung at it. This year I didn't come home from school until the 19th, and this was the day of the service, so the organist (who works in the music department at Dalhousie University) brought in a tenor to sing one of the very common, but beautiful arias from Handel's Messiah. I read his name in the bulletin and thought to myself, "I dated a (person with that name) back in high school" and then I didn't think anything else of it. Turns out that I should have, because it was the same guy. Now, you have to understand, this guy was bizarre back in high school. I mean, mega bizarre. Long hair, leather jacket. Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better? Anyway, the point is that I never expected him to be so amazingly talented...and he really, really was. Karma is a bitch.
Example #2:
Remember Fred? The guy that I dated in high school and the reason that I turned down Bill (the guy I thought might be the one that got away)? Well, a few weeks ago when I was home visiting some friends, we went out to celebrate a birthday. We went to a bar - an entirely sketchy bar that I had never been to before - and of all the people that could have possibly ever been there, Fred was. It had been about 4 years since I'd seen him and he looked about the same. Older, and more mature maybe, but about the same...which was the ONLY thing that was the same. When we were younger, he had real issues with self esteem and he had no ambition. Now, he is in the navy, repairs ships, has a pretty serious girlfriend who is moving here for him, and owns a really lovely house - I went to see it a few days ago. I don't know if this whole thing occurred as way for him to prove that he made something of himself to me, or if it really did just occur by chance...but he looked great, and is doing really well. Karma is a bitch.
There are actually several other examples that I could give that have occurred over the last little while, but I think that these here are enough to prove my point. Sometimes, the shallow decisions you make come back to bite you in the ass, and they teach you a lesson big time. Ha.
Deckin' the halls,
- Jenn
First of all, Merry Christmas! I hope you are all well!
Secondly. Karma is a bitch.
I have been learning this repeatedly over the last few days.
Example #1:
On Sunday night my church had it's annual carol service. This thing has been going on for about as long as I can remember. Seriously. And for the last couple years I have always sung at it. This year I didn't come home from school until the 19th, and this was the day of the service, so the organist (who works in the music department at Dalhousie University) brought in a tenor to sing one of the very common, but beautiful arias from Handel's Messiah. I read his name in the bulletin and thought to myself, "I dated a (person with that name) back in high school" and then I didn't think anything else of it. Turns out that I should have, because it was the same guy. Now, you have to understand, this guy was bizarre back in high school. I mean, mega bizarre. Long hair, leather jacket. Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better? Anyway, the point is that I never expected him to be so amazingly talented...and he really, really was. Karma is a bitch.
Example #2:
Remember Fred? The guy that I dated in high school and the reason that I turned down Bill (the guy I thought might be the one that got away)? Well, a few weeks ago when I was home visiting some friends, we went out to celebrate a birthday. We went to a bar - an entirely sketchy bar that I had never been to before - and of all the people that could have possibly ever been there, Fred was. It had been about 4 years since I'd seen him and he looked about the same. Older, and more mature maybe, but about the same...which was the ONLY thing that was the same. When we were younger, he had real issues with self esteem and he had no ambition. Now, he is in the navy, repairs ships, has a pretty serious girlfriend who is moving here for him, and owns a really lovely house - I went to see it a few days ago. I don't know if this whole thing occurred as way for him to prove that he made something of himself to me, or if it really did just occur by chance...but he looked great, and is doing really well. Karma is a bitch.
There are actually several other examples that I could give that have occurred over the last little while, but I think that these here are enough to prove my point. Sometimes, the shallow decisions you make come back to bite you in the ass, and they teach you a lesson big time. Ha.
Deckin' the halls,
- Jenn
Sunday, December 19, 2010
"A person who is 'on the hook' will be overly infatuated with another person."
Ok, so...
Have you ever heard of the idea of being "on the hook"?
According to urbandictionary.com:
A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.
Have you ever heard of the idea of being "on the hook"?
According to urbandictionary.com:
A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.
Often times the person who is on the hook is a back-up.
Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.
Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.
Ted: "Lisa came over last night and I gave her a foot rub as we watched a move."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."
The previous exemplary conversation is a snippet from Season 5, Episode 17 of How I Met Your Mother entitled "Hooked" (if you have never seen this or ever even heard of this idea, I highly suggest checking this episode out - it explains everything very well).
A friend of mine has been "on the hook" for quite awhile now. He dated this girl, she broke up with him and thus far, he has failed to get over it. However, it isn't the fact that he is still hung up on her that really confuses me - that has happened to a lot of us, and it will continue to happen until the end of time. Instead, it's what she has continued to do since breaking up with him that really baffles me. She sends him flirty texts, comes over for very misleading visits, posts suggestive statements on likealittle.com (if you don't know what this is, check it out: www.likealittle.com - it's a time!). All of this points to one conclusion: she has him on her hook. I feel really terrible for him because his feelings are throughly involved and to a point where he has no idea how to get out of the situation. He'd rather be involved with her in the hook capacity than not at all. I can fully admit that I knowingly did that with the one that got away and it sucked. I feel for him. I really do.
At this point, I'm can safely say that I'm pretty sure I'm not on anyone's hook. However, for the amount of guys that I have been involved with that were in problem relationships, it is inevitable that I have unknowingly been on a few hooks. You know, where I was stupid enough to think that something good was going to come out of a situation where it never did, and never was going to in the first place.
To all of you out there who are on someone's hook, I feel for you. Maybe this entry will help you figure out that you are, and therefore help you get out.
Unhooked,
- Jenn
Sunday, December 12, 2010
"Actions speak louder than words."
Ok, so...
You know this saying?
"Actions speak louder than words."
I have always been a huge advocate for this statement. You can lie through your teeth as much as you want, but the way you really feel becomes painfully clear through the way you act. Unless you have an incredible poker face, and so few of us do, it's out there for the world to see, whether we like it or not.
If someone likes you, you usually know because of the way they act around you - a hand-on-the-shoulder here, a gentle caress-of-the-small-of-the-back there. I playful laugh. I hug that lingers. Everything you do gives it away, and you can't help it. That desire to be near that person overwhelms all the other senses. It's impossible to do anything else than whatever that little thing you can do is to just be near them for a second. We all like to think that we are so in control of ourselves. In control of how we feel. In control of what we do. What we say. But actions speak louder than words, and they &%$! us in the ass every single time.
Obviously, this isn't only true with crushes, obsessions, or love - it's the same thing when someone is mad at you. A brooding stare. Crossed arms. You don't need to say anything at all, because your actions are speaking up for the words you aren't saying.
The reason I say this is to point out the fact that if you are feeling a certain way, you might as well just say it...people know anyway lol. My friend, "rough patch with girlfriend" guy? He knew. He was aware. However, this is why I also think it's mutual, even if he isn't in a position to act on it right now. He's cuddly and likes to have late night chats...or at least he did. I have a feeling he will make it into here again at some point.
So, you know something! It's the holidays! Tell someone how you feel! There is no greater time of the year for love (but not hate..the thing I said about being mad? Don't go there. Be nice!)
Deckin' the halls,
- Jenn
You know this saying?
"Actions speak louder than words."
I have always been a huge advocate for this statement. You can lie through your teeth as much as you want, but the way you really feel becomes painfully clear through the way you act. Unless you have an incredible poker face, and so few of us do, it's out there for the world to see, whether we like it or not.
If someone likes you, you usually know because of the way they act around you - a hand-on-the-shoulder here, a gentle caress-of-the-small-of-the-back there. I playful laugh. I hug that lingers. Everything you do gives it away, and you can't help it. That desire to be near that person overwhelms all the other senses. It's impossible to do anything else than whatever that little thing you can do is to just be near them for a second. We all like to think that we are so in control of ourselves. In control of how we feel. In control of what we do. What we say. But actions speak louder than words, and they &%$! us in the ass every single time.
Obviously, this isn't only true with crushes, obsessions, or love - it's the same thing when someone is mad at you. A brooding stare. Crossed arms. You don't need to say anything at all, because your actions are speaking up for the words you aren't saying.
The reason I say this is to point out the fact that if you are feeling a certain way, you might as well just say it...people know anyway lol. My friend, "rough patch with girlfriend" guy? He knew. He was aware. However, this is why I also think it's mutual, even if he isn't in a position to act on it right now. He's cuddly and likes to have late night chats...or at least he did. I have a feeling he will make it into here again at some point.
So, you know something! It's the holidays! Tell someone how you feel! There is no greater time of the year for love (but not hate..the thing I said about being mad? Don't go there. Be nice!)
Deckin' the halls,
- Jenn
Friday, December 10, 2010
"Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)"
Ok, so...
Think back to when you were in Grade 6, 7, or 8. Yes. I know. It was awhile ago (at least I hope it was, or you have found my blog by chance and are FAR to young to be reading the material I include in it). Anyway, as I find myself conducting my first practicum in a middle school where I work with kids in each of those years, I am astounded by the things kids do these days...and even more shocked by the things the Grade 6's do than anything else. For example:
Kid #1: Hey man! You're girlfriend is about to get up and play her composition. You better pay attention (He playfully ribs Kid #2).
Kid #2: I know man. She's so hot.
(Kid #1, Kid #2, and their two friends sit there nodding as they stare at her)
Kid #2: Hey! Stop staring at my women! She ain't never gonna go for you.
Kid #1: Please! I'm not after her - I get my pick. I'm all about keeping my bachelor status.
OR:
Kid: Hey Ms, how are you today?
Me: Oh Hi! I'm great how are you?
Kid: I'm good. I was just wondering, are you married?
Me: No. I'm not.
Kid: Do you want to be?
Me: Some day, not right now though.
Kid: Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)
These kids are 11...not possibly more than 12 at the most. Are they serious? That boy actually winked at me. When I was Grade 6 I definitely wasn't clever enough to do or say things like that! They spend half of their classes with me everyday whispering back and forth about who likes who and who's gonna kiss at lunch. In Grade 6, I was wearing Cookie Monster sweatshirts and matching 2-piece Adidas tracksuits with a ponytail frizzier than Mel B's fro during her Spice Girl days. These kids are wearing high-tops a la Justin Bieber and DC and Burton t-shirts. In fact, these kids are more stylish and put together than a lot of people my own age! They try harder and they aren't even teenagers yet! Most of them even have their hair coloured! Ridiculous.
There is no point to this entry - I just thought it was funny and mildly enjoyable.
Bringing a laugh,
- Jenn
Think back to when you were in Grade 6, 7, or 8. Yes. I know. It was awhile ago (at least I hope it was, or you have found my blog by chance and are FAR to young to be reading the material I include in it). Anyway, as I find myself conducting my first practicum in a middle school where I work with kids in each of those years, I am astounded by the things kids do these days...and even more shocked by the things the Grade 6's do than anything else. For example:
Kid #1: Hey man! You're girlfriend is about to get up and play her composition. You better pay attention (He playfully ribs Kid #2).
Kid #2: I know man. She's so hot.
(Kid #1, Kid #2, and their two friends sit there nodding as they stare at her)
Kid #2: Hey! Stop staring at my women! She ain't never gonna go for you.
Kid #1: Please! I'm not after her - I get my pick. I'm all about keeping my bachelor status.
OR:
Kid: Hey Ms, how are you today?
Me: Oh Hi! I'm great how are you?
Kid: I'm good. I was just wondering, are you married?
Me: No. I'm not.
Kid: Do you want to be?
Me: Some day, not right now though.
Kid: Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)
These kids are 11...not possibly more than 12 at the most. Are they serious? That boy actually winked at me. When I was Grade 6 I definitely wasn't clever enough to do or say things like that! They spend half of their classes with me everyday whispering back and forth about who likes who and who's gonna kiss at lunch. In Grade 6, I was wearing Cookie Monster sweatshirts and matching 2-piece Adidas tracksuits with a ponytail frizzier than Mel B's fro during her Spice Girl days. These kids are wearing high-tops a la Justin Bieber and DC and Burton t-shirts. In fact, these kids are more stylish and put together than a lot of people my own age! They try harder and they aren't even teenagers yet! Most of them even have their hair coloured! Ridiculous.
There is no point to this entry - I just thought it was funny and mildly enjoyable.
Bringing a laugh,
- Jenn
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
"However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. 'Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious.' "
Ok, so..
I have managed to go ahead and do something incredibly stupid...yet, again. Sometimes, people ask you a question and you just decide to tell the truth because, you know, it's now or never. I did this. I did this because he asked, and I didn't want to lie. I had been wondering whether or not I should say anything and I had been thinking about mentioning it, but he was going through a rough patch with a new girlfriend and now didn't seem like the time. However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. "Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious." At first, he seemed to take it perfectly well - the reaction was actually better than I expected, and maybe even a little on the good side...and I was happy about that. I wasn't asking for anything in return. I want him to be happy and for that to happen in whatever capacity it needs too.
However, as things often do, this exploded in my face. I regret having said anything because the after-effects aren't worth the honesty. He's become upset with me, or upset with what I said...or something. Whatever it is, I feel absolutely terrible about it. So bad, that I cried this morning...and I don't cry. I honestly, truly wish I would have never said anything rather than have had it put a riff the size of Asia in our friendship...and that is what I think has happened. You know how people always say that honesty is the best policy? Well, I'm having a really hard time believing that right now.
So, on the off chance that he may ever read this...I'm really sorry. I never meant to cause any harm. You're a wonderful guy and a great friend, and I hope we come out somewhat normal (and I say somewhat because neither of us are really normal in the first place) on the other side of this whole thing.
I am really, truly, sorry.
In my own forum,
- Jenn
I have managed to go ahead and do something incredibly stupid...yet, again. Sometimes, people ask you a question and you just decide to tell the truth because, you know, it's now or never. I did this. I did this because he asked, and I didn't want to lie. I had been wondering whether or not I should say anything and I had been thinking about mentioning it, but he was going through a rough patch with a new girlfriend and now didn't seem like the time. However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. "Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious." At first, he seemed to take it perfectly well - the reaction was actually better than I expected, and maybe even a little on the good side...and I was happy about that. I wasn't asking for anything in return. I want him to be happy and for that to happen in whatever capacity it needs too.
However, as things often do, this exploded in my face. I regret having said anything because the after-effects aren't worth the honesty. He's become upset with me, or upset with what I said...or something. Whatever it is, I feel absolutely terrible about it. So bad, that I cried this morning...and I don't cry. I honestly, truly wish I would have never said anything rather than have had it put a riff the size of Asia in our friendship...and that is what I think has happened. You know how people always say that honesty is the best policy? Well, I'm having a really hard time believing that right now.
So, on the off chance that he may ever read this...I'm really sorry. I never meant to cause any harm. You're a wonderful guy and a great friend, and I hope we come out somewhat normal (and I say somewhat because neither of us are really normal in the first place) on the other side of this whole thing.
I am really, truly, sorry.
In my own forum,
- Jenn
Saturday, December 04, 2010
"I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends."
Ok, so...
I know that my blog entries are essentially me, going to work bitching about whatever hilarious thing is going on in my life. Frequently, it's some situation involving the given gentleman of the moment and how he is royally pissing me off...Actually, it isn't ever really anything else is it? Sad eh? Well, I can happily say that I am switching gears because today is about something completely different! The GOOD, in the good, the bad, and the ugly that I claim to write about.
Last night, I went to an amazingly fun Christmas Party...a tradition that I sort of started last year (whoops), resulting in us looking forward to it for weeks before it occurred this year. Now, as wild as it was...and really, it was (take a look at the pictures, you'll see), it made me realize something. I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends. Believe me when I say that I am not someone who is immune to feeling lonely, and I often wish that I saw them more than I do, but when we get together...even if we've been apart for longer than we planned to be...we pick up right where we left off. It's like we were never apart at all. That is something you can't fake - that's real chemistry, and we have it.
I'm not sure that I thank my friends enough for being there for me when I really need them. I'm completely aware of the fact that I am not like the average girl - I've said this before - so I can't always be the easiest person to deal with - I really am so stupid sometimes (I mean really, just read what I've wrote about over the last little while. That's only 2 months worth. Eeps.) And while these friends may not all be there every single time, (I'm sure I'm not either) someone always is, and that is something that can only be repaid by doing the same. Paying it forward. Something I think I'm going to try and do that much more of from now on.
So, take a minute to thank your friends today for being just that - your friends. In my case, I think they deserve it because being my friend must make for some pretty tedious work sometimes;).
Spreading the love,
- Jenn
I know that my blog entries are essentially me, going to work bitching about whatever hilarious thing is going on in my life. Frequently, it's some situation involving the given gentleman of the moment and how he is royally pissing me off...Actually, it isn't ever really anything else is it? Sad eh? Well, I can happily say that I am switching gears because today is about something completely different! The GOOD, in the good, the bad, and the ugly that I claim to write about.
Last night, I went to an amazingly fun Christmas Party...a tradition that I sort of started last year (whoops), resulting in us looking forward to it for weeks before it occurred this year. Now, as wild as it was...and really, it was (take a look at the pictures, you'll see), it made me realize something. I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends. Believe me when I say that I am not someone who is immune to feeling lonely, and I often wish that I saw them more than I do, but when we get together...even if we've been apart for longer than we planned to be...we pick up right where we left off. It's like we were never apart at all. That is something you can't fake - that's real chemistry, and we have it.
I'm not sure that I thank my friends enough for being there for me when I really need them. I'm completely aware of the fact that I am not like the average girl - I've said this before - so I can't always be the easiest person to deal with - I really am so stupid sometimes (I mean really, just read what I've wrote about over the last little while. That's only 2 months worth. Eeps.) And while these friends may not all be there every single time, (I'm sure I'm not either) someone always is, and that is something that can only be repaid by doing the same. Paying it forward. Something I think I'm going to try and do that much more of from now on.
So, take a minute to thank your friends today for being just that - your friends. In my case, I think they deserve it because being my friend must make for some pretty tedious work sometimes;).
Spreading the love,
- Jenn
Sunday, November 28, 2010
"That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much."
Ok, so...
You know that whole idea around the "one who got away?" That one guy or girl, where if things had played out differently, everything may have culminated together into the perfect love story? I can think of countless TV shows, movies, and even conversations with friends that have circulated around the topic of the one guy (or girl) that they completely missed out on. There are various takes on how this happens - maybe it was a good friend and you never got up the courage to try and take it to the next level, or maybe you made a stupid decision while in a relationship, the whole thing blew up your face, and then you wished you could take it back...but you couldn't. Obviously, there are multitudinous scenarios that I could suggest, because there is no mold for how this occurs. It just does. And once it does, there is no going back.
I used to think that this one friend of mine was the "one that got away." I had dated a friend of his - let's call him Fred - for a little while (actually through Fred was how we met) and I mentioned to this friend - let's call him Bill - that I thought everything with Fred had really come to a standstill and I was going to end it with him before it got messy. Well, in this moment Bill suggested that maybe he and I try things out once I had sorted everything out with Fred. I shut him down, even though I really did like him quite a bit, in order to protect both of our friendship with Fred. In the end that didn't even really pay off, and I always regretted not taking that chance with Bill. He moved away a little while later, and when he finally came back, he met a girl...they've been together quite a while now. They make a lovely couple. I always though to myself, what if...what if I had taken the chance on him? Was he my "one that got away?" I always thought so...but I was wrong.
Lately, for some reason or another, I've been thinking about a particular ex-boyfriend quite a lot. Anyone who knows me, even a little bit, would have come to know something about him. He was my first love - a very powerful, and intense experience for me resulting in a breakup where I was completely inconsolable. It's been almost 4 and a half years since we broke up, and maybe 2 or more since I've seen him, but somehow he's crept back up into my mind. That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much. I wasn't ready for it - I didn't know how to handle feelings like that, and I wasn't good with them...something that must have made me very difficult for him to deal with at points. Since then, I've changed dramatically...for the better I think...and while some would say that he was a big part of why I have and that's why it happened then, I'd disagree. I think that getting older, finding out more about myself, coming to terms with a lot of earlier events in my life, and having made some pretty hefty mistakes along the way have shaped me into who I am now...and that's a really different person. Therefore, I've come to wonder if things would have played out differently if I had met him now, instead of then. Ironically, I think he has become my "one that got away," though I never would have anticipated that being the case. I loved him very much, and I'm sure that if I'd met him now instead of then, the result would be the exact same. I would still have come to love him very much - just in a better, more constructive way.
From what I can tell, he is doing quite well (haha, rhyme much?). He's off doing things that I can only dream I may get to do some day, and I wish him very well...something I wasn't always able to do.
This entry is incredibly ironic for me, but at the same time, soothing. It's hard to believe, that after all this time, he may just be the "one that got away."
Calming the soul,
- Jenn
You know that whole idea around the "one who got away?" That one guy or girl, where if things had played out differently, everything may have culminated together into the perfect love story? I can think of countless TV shows, movies, and even conversations with friends that have circulated around the topic of the one guy (or girl) that they completely missed out on. There are various takes on how this happens - maybe it was a good friend and you never got up the courage to try and take it to the next level, or maybe you made a stupid decision while in a relationship, the whole thing blew up your face, and then you wished you could take it back...but you couldn't. Obviously, there are multitudinous scenarios that I could suggest, because there is no mold for how this occurs. It just does. And once it does, there is no going back.
I used to think that this one friend of mine was the "one that got away." I had dated a friend of his - let's call him Fred - for a little while (actually through Fred was how we met) and I mentioned to this friend - let's call him Bill - that I thought everything with Fred had really come to a standstill and I was going to end it with him before it got messy. Well, in this moment Bill suggested that maybe he and I try things out once I had sorted everything out with Fred. I shut him down, even though I really did like him quite a bit, in order to protect both of our friendship with Fred. In the end that didn't even really pay off, and I always regretted not taking that chance with Bill. He moved away a little while later, and when he finally came back, he met a girl...they've been together quite a while now. They make a lovely couple. I always though to myself, what if...what if I had taken the chance on him? Was he my "one that got away?" I always thought so...but I was wrong.
Lately, for some reason or another, I've been thinking about a particular ex-boyfriend quite a lot. Anyone who knows me, even a little bit, would have come to know something about him. He was my first love - a very powerful, and intense experience for me resulting in a breakup where I was completely inconsolable. It's been almost 4 and a half years since we broke up, and maybe 2 or more since I've seen him, but somehow he's crept back up into my mind. That relationship blind sided me - at 18 years old, in my frosh year of university, I was not prepared to meet someone that could change me that much. I wasn't ready for it - I didn't know how to handle feelings like that, and I wasn't good with them...something that must have made me very difficult for him to deal with at points. Since then, I've changed dramatically...for the better I think...and while some would say that he was a big part of why I have and that's why it happened then, I'd disagree. I think that getting older, finding out more about myself, coming to terms with a lot of earlier events in my life, and having made some pretty hefty mistakes along the way have shaped me into who I am now...and that's a really different person. Therefore, I've come to wonder if things would have played out differently if I had met him now, instead of then. Ironically, I think he has become my "one that got away," though I never would have anticipated that being the case. I loved him very much, and I'm sure that if I'd met him now instead of then, the result would be the exact same. I would still have come to love him very much - just in a better, more constructive way.
From what I can tell, he is doing quite well (haha, rhyme much?). He's off doing things that I can only dream I may get to do some day, and I wish him very well...something I wasn't always able to do.
This entry is incredibly ironic for me, but at the same time, soothing. It's hard to believe, that after all this time, he may just be the "one that got away."
Calming the soul,
- Jenn
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
"But these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label."
Ok, so...
I'm about to step out on what is pretty much (at least I think?) the next big chapter of my life. Practicum. Student teaching. Something that I hope is going to essentially tell me whether or not I'm going down the right path in life. Funny thing about this? I'm probably not. It's strange, but I think I thought I'd know more about what I wanted in life by the time I was 23 years old. When I was 19, (which feels like eons ago...especially when SOME people feel the need to draw attention to your age at every opportunity possible) I think I thought I'd know exactly what I wanted to do, and I think I also thought I would be wanting to get married by this age. I don't. At all. But my best friend from home does...and in a year she will be, because she just got engaged. I'm her Maid of Honour, and frankly the whole things freaks me out a bit. I tell myself that I have no desire to be married at this age, and I know it's true - I really don't. But the fact that she is getting married, while I'm not even in a relationship does reveal the VERY different paths we are on at this point in our lives. Am I supposed to be worried about the fact that I'm not in a relationship, or on the path to finding someone to spend the rest of my life with? I'm starting to wonder...?
Especially because I always seem to pick the worst candidates. Oh, and it's not like every time I get involved with a guy, I think he is going to be my "soulmate" by the way (and I say "soulmate" like that because I'm not sure if they exist). I don't. But I can sure as hell tell you that I frequently pick people who are so far away from ever being that person that it's hilarious. There is a whole lot of truth to that I attract "people in problem relationships" and "spontaneous men" thing - let me tell you - but these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label. And honestly? I think I'm better in a relationship...mostly because I just do stupid things when I'm not. And while we're at it, I rarely come out feeling better on the other end of these stupid things I do. They never amount to anything good for either party involved, and while I live with no regrets, I'm not sure that there was anything beneficial about any of these situations...especially the ones of late...occurring at all. So, here comes the next salient piece of advice...what is this? Number 7?
If something seems too complicated to have the ending result that you want it too, it probably is. Drop it. Now. It isn't going to mean good things for anyone involved. Especially the ones who don't yet know they're involved.
Hiding behind my writing,
- Jenn
I'm about to step out on what is pretty much (at least I think?) the next big chapter of my life. Practicum. Student teaching. Something that I hope is going to essentially tell me whether or not I'm going down the right path in life. Funny thing about this? I'm probably not. It's strange, but I think I thought I'd know more about what I wanted in life by the time I was 23 years old. When I was 19, (which feels like eons ago...especially when SOME people feel the need to draw attention to your age at every opportunity possible) I think I thought I'd know exactly what I wanted to do, and I think I also thought I would be wanting to get married by this age. I don't. At all. But my best friend from home does...and in a year she will be, because she just got engaged. I'm her Maid of Honour, and frankly the whole things freaks me out a bit. I tell myself that I have no desire to be married at this age, and I know it's true - I really don't. But the fact that she is getting married, while I'm not even in a relationship does reveal the VERY different paths we are on at this point in our lives. Am I supposed to be worried about the fact that I'm not in a relationship, or on the path to finding someone to spend the rest of my life with? I'm starting to wonder...?
Especially because I always seem to pick the worst candidates. Oh, and it's not like every time I get involved with a guy, I think he is going to be my "soulmate" by the way (and I say "soulmate" like that because I'm not sure if they exist). I don't. But I can sure as hell tell you that I frequently pick people who are so far away from ever being that person that it's hilarious. There is a whole lot of truth to that I attract "people in problem relationships" and "spontaneous men" thing - let me tell you - but these same men...as truly interesting as they are...do not make good candidates for the boyfriend label. And honestly? I think I'm better in a relationship...mostly because I just do stupid things when I'm not. And while we're at it, I rarely come out feeling better on the other end of these stupid things I do. They never amount to anything good for either party involved, and while I live with no regrets, I'm not sure that there was anything beneficial about any of these situations...especially the ones of late...occurring at all. So, here comes the next salient piece of advice...what is this? Number 7?
If something seems too complicated to have the ending result that you want it too, it probably is. Drop it. Now. It isn't going to mean good things for anyone involved. Especially the ones who don't yet know they're involved.
Hiding behind my writing,
- Jenn
Sunday, November 21, 2010
"Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up."
Ok, so...
You know what is amazing? When you figure out how much feelings you think have changed really haven't. Lately, I've been spending time around a few people that I haven't seen in awhile. Some are those that I just completely miss having in my life, and some (or one in particular) are the kind where the attraction that I thought had gone away really hasn't...at all. Those big blue eyes, and those smile lines that creep up around them? They literally make my heart skip a beat. If I wrote with people's names included, which I don't, and you could facebook him...I'm sure you would agree..at least the ladies would? But I digress, yet again. I get off topic easily. Point is, you don't forget them, and you don't forget what they did...or still do to you.
But that's the problem isn't it? Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up. Seriously. Like, I don't have time for this. No one does. I don't have time to want "blue eyes" (and p.s. - I feel the need to mention that "blue eyes" is also "bucket list," the one and the same...do not judge), but he did something to me from them moment I met him...and I can't change that. However, that also doesn't change the fact that it pisses me off that I should want someone so much that I can't have. Or maybe I could have him? Maybe I'm just so unwilling to really compete...and that is what it would take. Direct competition. Remember my entry about "bucket list"..? I was annoyed when wrote that, and frankly, the idea of it still really annoys me...but he's something different, and despite his absolute blunt stupidity in telling me about his desire to cheat...I can't ignore the pull I feel towards him.
Which really only leaves one question. What now? What next? Anyone out there have the answer?
I always have answers for everyone else. I think I'm known for that. But answers for me? Never.
Speaking from the heart,
- Jenn
You know what is amazing? When you figure out how much feelings you think have changed really haven't. Lately, I've been spending time around a few people that I haven't seen in awhile. Some are those that I just completely miss having in my life, and some (or one in particular) are the kind where the attraction that I thought had gone away really hasn't...at all. Those big blue eyes, and those smile lines that creep up around them? They literally make my heart skip a beat. If I wrote with people's names included, which I don't, and you could facebook him...I'm sure you would agree..at least the ladies would? But I digress, yet again. I get off topic easily. Point is, you don't forget them, and you don't forget what they did...or still do to you.
But that's the problem isn't it? Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up. Seriously. Like, I don't have time for this. No one does. I don't have time to want "blue eyes" (and p.s. - I feel the need to mention that "blue eyes" is also "bucket list," the one and the same...do not judge), but he did something to me from them moment I met him...and I can't change that. However, that also doesn't change the fact that it pisses me off that I should want someone so much that I can't have. Or maybe I could have him? Maybe I'm just so unwilling to really compete...and that is what it would take. Direct competition. Remember my entry about "bucket list"..? I was annoyed when wrote that, and frankly, the idea of it still really annoys me...but he's something different, and despite his absolute blunt stupidity in telling me about his desire to cheat...I can't ignore the pull I feel towards him.
Which really only leaves one question. What now? What next? Anyone out there have the answer?
I always have answers for everyone else. I think I'm known for that. But answers for me? Never.
Speaking from the heart,
- Jenn
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"
Ok, so...
My apologies for the time it has taken me to write this...however, I think that once you read this entry, you will all agree that the wait was more than worth it. This past weekend proved to be a challenge for me in more ways than one...the greatest of these? You are about to find out about. Seriously. You won't believe it.
Remember my salient pieces of advice? Those ones that I have been occasionally recording in the side bar? Well, let me tell you...you are about the get a few. Allow me introduce you to salient piece of advice #4. Stay the @#$% away from your co-workers. It never, EVER, pans out the way you hope that it will! And it usually ends even worse than the situations with the people you just randomly happen to meet...because wait! OH YEAH! YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM AGAIN! At work! In meetings! In training! Walking down the street...and oh yes, you have to say hi...because if you don't, someone else will ask you why you didn't.
Salient piece of advice #5? IF you decide to hook up with someone you work with (and what did I say folks? That's right. DON'T), don't tell ANYONE you work with! NO ONE! Because someone always has a big ass mouth! Why is it that people feel the need to dig in your business! And you know what my favourite part is? It's always someone who "knows" you....but they don't really know you? You know what I mean? So they ask someone who does really know you what's going on so they can get the dirt because they know they can't ask you. Excuse me? Wait a second...if you don't know me well enough to ask yourself, why the hell are you asking at all? It isn't your business! It doesn't affect you! Piss off! If I wanted you to know, I would tell you!
Oh, but wait...I saved the best for last...Men, I direct this one at you. And I do this because a male said this to me, and perhaps I have better faith in the female half of the species (and truly, maybe I shouldn't?) but I like to think we would never say this to someone:
"I really like you! You're so different then a lot of girl that I have met, and that makes me think that I could really end up liking you? You know? But I just don't want a relationship right now. I don't have time. And yeah, we could be #&*% buddies, and that would be fun...but where you live? It's just so far away....and when you can get it right down the hall...well..."
"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"
Yes, yes he did. He $%^*%$ someone else...and then waited 4 days to tell me. 4 DAYS. And yeah, guess what I was doing those whole 4 days? Oh. You guessed it. Trying, like an idiot, to be attentive and sweet and do things like girls who are interested in you do for the guys they like. So gentleman...and really? Ladies too. Salient piece of advice #6? If you %&$# someone else, have the decency to tell the person you were &^%$#$& so they can stop treating you well, and instead, treat you like the asswipe you are.
Am I jaded by this? Meh. This is not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and in reality? I'm expecting a lot of worse things to come my way...but this story? It really was too funny not to share. I take it with a grain of salt, and I think it was a learning experience - perhaps this is my way of saying that I hope some will cut me slack for being so candid about this. It's sort of healing...for me anyway. Ha.
My apologies for using caps,
- Jenn
My apologies for the time it has taken me to write this...however, I think that once you read this entry, you will all agree that the wait was more than worth it. This past weekend proved to be a challenge for me in more ways than one...the greatest of these? You are about to find out about. Seriously. You won't believe it.
Remember my salient pieces of advice? Those ones that I have been occasionally recording in the side bar? Well, let me tell you...you are about the get a few. Allow me introduce you to salient piece of advice #4. Stay the @#$% away from your co-workers. It never, EVER, pans out the way you hope that it will! And it usually ends even worse than the situations with the people you just randomly happen to meet...because wait! OH YEAH! YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM AGAIN! At work! In meetings! In training! Walking down the street...and oh yes, you have to say hi...because if you don't, someone else will ask you why you didn't.
Salient piece of advice #5? IF you decide to hook up with someone you work with (and what did I say folks? That's right. DON'T), don't tell ANYONE you work with! NO ONE! Because someone always has a big ass mouth! Why is it that people feel the need to dig in your business! And you know what my favourite part is? It's always someone who "knows" you....but they don't really know you? You know what I mean? So they ask someone who does really know you what's going on so they can get the dirt because they know they can't ask you. Excuse me? Wait a second...if you don't know me well enough to ask yourself, why the hell are you asking at all? It isn't your business! It doesn't affect you! Piss off! If I wanted you to know, I would tell you!
Oh, but wait...I saved the best for last...Men, I direct this one at you. And I do this because a male said this to me, and perhaps I have better faith in the female half of the species (and truly, maybe I shouldn't?) but I like to think we would never say this to someone:
"I really like you! You're so different then a lot of girl that I have met, and that makes me think that I could really end up liking you? You know? But I just don't want a relationship right now. I don't have time. And yeah, we could be #&*% buddies, and that would be fun...but where you live? It's just so far away....and when you can get it right down the hall...well..."
"Excuse me? What? Did you just say that you &%$#$% someone else?"
Yes, yes he did. He $%^*%$ someone else...and then waited 4 days to tell me. 4 DAYS. And yeah, guess what I was doing those whole 4 days? Oh. You guessed it. Trying, like an idiot, to be attentive and sweet and do things like girls who are interested in you do for the guys they like. So gentleman...and really? Ladies too. Salient piece of advice #6? If you %&$# someone else, have the decency to tell the person you were &^%$#$& so they can stop treating you well, and instead, treat you like the asswipe you are.
Am I jaded by this? Meh. This is not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and in reality? I'm expecting a lot of worse things to come my way...but this story? It really was too funny not to share. I take it with a grain of salt, and I think it was a learning experience - perhaps this is my way of saying that I hope some will cut me slack for being so candid about this. It's sort of healing...for me anyway. Ha.
My apologies for using caps,
- Jenn
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
"My money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted."
Ok, so...
I'm very happy to say that after a few days of feeling like I had nothing to write about...actually, let me rephrase that...nothing I COULD write about (because everything seemed to give away too much of someone's personal life), a friend said something to me today that immediately screamed blog entry. She said "what is up with boys wanting to be single these days?" And seriously? What the $&#% is up with that? I have numerous friends going through similar situations...well, not similar...but the type of thing where it all boils down to someone wanting to keep their options opened? I even feel like I'm going through that in my own life as I blithely try to maneuver my way through someone else's obstacle course - this person is trying to give me a run for my money, and he is succeeding...but anyway, I digress. That isn't the point I'm really trying to get at.
It seems like every guy out there right now thinks that there is something better then what is standing right in front of him. You know, that whole "there's lots of fish in the sea" thing? And gentleman, if you can truly, honestly tell me that this all comes down to something else entirely, I'll be the first one waiting to hear your explanation...but my money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted. A friend of mine once had that happen to her. She had been with her boyfriend since high school, and when they got to university he wanted to see what else was out there. Well, he did his thing...and you know what? There wasn't anything better. He begged for her back, and eventually (after she made him work...HARD) he got her. They are still together today.
Now, I'm definitely not saying that this is how things always work...and fellas? I don't blame you for wanting to be sure or not wanting to settle down just yet. I really don't. I just don't get why there is such a blooming trend this area all of a sudden. There are always going to be guys (and girls) going through this phase...but ALL of you? At the same time? It seems a little extreme doesn't it?
Maybe this is why I don't really believe that human beings are meant to be a monogamous race? And no. That is not me justifying cheating. I just think that is why it takes so much work for so many couples to stay married...but this in itself is whole other topic. I'll save that for another day!
Sharing the sugar,
- Jenn
I'm very happy to say that after a few days of feeling like I had nothing to write about...actually, let me rephrase that...nothing I COULD write about (because everything seemed to give away too much of someone's personal life), a friend said something to me today that immediately screamed blog entry. She said "what is up with boys wanting to be single these days?" And seriously? What the $&#% is up with that? I have numerous friends going through similar situations...well, not similar...but the type of thing where it all boils down to someone wanting to keep their options opened? I even feel like I'm going through that in my own life as I blithely try to maneuver my way through someone else's obstacle course - this person is trying to give me a run for my money, and he is succeeding...but anyway, I digress. That isn't the point I'm really trying to get at.
It seems like every guy out there right now thinks that there is something better then what is standing right in front of him. You know, that whole "there's lots of fish in the sea" thing? And gentleman, if you can truly, honestly tell me that this all comes down to something else entirely, I'll be the first one waiting to hear your explanation...but my money is on that you can't, so please don't be insulted. A friend of mine once had that happen to her. She had been with her boyfriend since high school, and when they got to university he wanted to see what else was out there. Well, he did his thing...and you know what? There wasn't anything better. He begged for her back, and eventually (after she made him work...HARD) he got her. They are still together today.
Now, I'm definitely not saying that this is how things always work...and fellas? I don't blame you for wanting to be sure or not wanting to settle down just yet. I really don't. I just don't get why there is such a blooming trend this area all of a sudden. There are always going to be guys (and girls) going through this phase...but ALL of you? At the same time? It seems a little extreme doesn't it?
Maybe this is why I don't really believe that human beings are meant to be a monogamous race? And no. That is not me justifying cheating. I just think that is why it takes so much work for so many couples to stay married...but this in itself is whole other topic. I'll save that for another day!
Sharing the sugar,
- Jenn
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
"My apologies."
My apologies for going so long without writing.
It's been a very busy, stressful week on many fronts.
I promise a legitimate update soon
- Jenn
It's been a very busy, stressful week on many fronts.
I promise a legitimate update soon
- Jenn
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
"Hallowed be thy drink."
Life is funny isn't it? It's amazing how some aspects of your being can be in total turmoil, while other parts seem to be finding their way to some sort of actual solitude. The answers always come from somewhere you aren't even looking and probably never would if the events prior to it hadn't culminated just so. Ironic.
Anyway, I found this in my facebook notes from quite awhile ago. It's good for a laugh:
Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as it is in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager
Barmen
My weekend. To a tee :P
- Jenn
Anyway, I found this in my facebook notes from quite awhile ago. It's good for a laugh:
Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as it is in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager
Barmen
My weekend. To a tee :P
- Jenn
Monday, October 25, 2010
"This is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs."
Ok, so...
Pubcrawls and Jenn should not ever conspire to make an appearance together. I never manage to get through them without doing something stupid. However, as stupid as what I did this time was (and incidently, I did feel really bad about it), I've come to realize that I suddenly don't feel that bad at all. A very good friend of mine once said that I seem to attract men who are in relationships, and that maybe it was because I'm a bit of a "wild child" and look like I would be up for things that a lot of other girls wouldn't be. She said "are they going to pick the conservative prude? No. They are going to go for the crazy, outgoing girl that likes to have fun. That's exactly what stands out about you when you become the target." If I were to fess up and be honest, and I will be for the sake of this blog, then that is very true. I don't apologize for what happens in my life...it all equals lessons learned (salient lesson #3). So here is the lesson:
I attract guys who are in problem relationships. My ex was in one, "bucket list" is in one..and actually several others whom I've met and since left behind long before the creation of this blog were also in one. If we were really to break cheating down to a science (and this is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs), we would realize that those who cheat, male and female, usually (which is why I mentioned the pigs) do so because they are unhappy with what they have. To some degree, the relationship that they are a part of isn't offering them something they need. Either it's suffering from long-distance syndrome, bad sex (or lack there of), poor emotional support, someone's crippling shortfall of self confidence...and I could go on, but I think you get my point: The problems being had could be a combination including all, or none, of those things I just mentioned...but either way, something isn't happening for them leaving problems to exist and the yearning for some sort of an outlet.
As someone who has never cheated (out of luck, or morals...I'm not really sure?) I have only ever belonged to one half of the equation (the key 1+1=2 equation that divides the ownership of responsibility between the two parties involved), the half that becomes involved without technically doing something wrong. I say technically because that depends on how you see it. Some would say that if you aren't the one in the relationship, you owe nothing to anyone and shouldn't feel bad for your actions. Others would say that you are at fault because you allowed yourself to take part in something that would inevitably cause someone else pain (whether you know them or not). I will not express where my opinion lies on this, but simply leave it as something you can decide on for yourselves. There are valid arguments for both. The point is, these problem relationships exist, and I draw the attention of people who are in them.
I, in no way, am claiming that I think that I am the answer to all of these things either. I'm not saying that I find long-distance easy, am unbelievable in the sack, know how to support someone through every awful thing that could happen to them, or that I have unwavering conviction in myself everyday...but I do know what it feels like to be in a relationship that I wasn't sold on...and now, what it feels like to not be. I may be lonely sometimes, and even momentarily question the faith that I have in myself to have made the right decision...but at the end of the day, it was right for me.
I guess what I'm saying is, as someone who has been in a problem relationship, and as someone who seems to have known/does know quite a few people who are in one...are you in one? It's a really hard thing to delve into because it involves taking such an arduous, intricate look at yourself (something I've been focussing on a lot lately) and deciding on whether or not you are getting everything you need - a challenge even on the best of days.
Just food for thought,
- Jenn
Pubcrawls and Jenn should not ever conspire to make an appearance together. I never manage to get through them without doing something stupid. However, as stupid as what I did this time was (and incidently, I did feel really bad about it), I've come to realize that I suddenly don't feel that bad at all. A very good friend of mine once said that I seem to attract men who are in relationships, and that maybe it was because I'm a bit of a "wild child" and look like I would be up for things that a lot of other girls wouldn't be. She said "are they going to pick the conservative prude? No. They are going to go for the crazy, outgoing girl that likes to have fun. That's exactly what stands out about you when you become the target." If I were to fess up and be honest, and I will be for the sake of this blog, then that is very true. I don't apologize for what happens in my life...it all equals lessons learned (salient lesson #3). So here is the lesson:
I attract guys who are in problem relationships. My ex was in one, "bucket list" is in one..and actually several others whom I've met and since left behind long before the creation of this blog were also in one. If we were really to break cheating down to a science (and this is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs), we would realize that those who cheat, male and female, usually (which is why I mentioned the pigs) do so because they are unhappy with what they have. To some degree, the relationship that they are a part of isn't offering them something they need. Either it's suffering from long-distance syndrome, bad sex (or lack there of), poor emotional support, someone's crippling shortfall of self confidence...and I could go on, but I think you get my point: The problems being had could be a combination including all, or none, of those things I just mentioned...but either way, something isn't happening for them leaving problems to exist and the yearning for some sort of an outlet.
As someone who has never cheated (out of luck, or morals...I'm not really sure?) I have only ever belonged to one half of the equation (the key 1+1=2 equation that divides the ownership of responsibility between the two parties involved), the half that becomes involved without technically doing something wrong. I say technically because that depends on how you see it. Some would say that if you aren't the one in the relationship, you owe nothing to anyone and shouldn't feel bad for your actions. Others would say that you are at fault because you allowed yourself to take part in something that would inevitably cause someone else pain (whether you know them or not). I will not express where my opinion lies on this, but simply leave it as something you can decide on for yourselves. There are valid arguments for both. The point is, these problem relationships exist, and I draw the attention of people who are in them.
I, in no way, am claiming that I think that I am the answer to all of these things either. I'm not saying that I find long-distance easy, am unbelievable in the sack, know how to support someone through every awful thing that could happen to them, or that I have unwavering conviction in myself everyday...but I do know what it feels like to be in a relationship that I wasn't sold on...and now, what it feels like to not be. I may be lonely sometimes, and even momentarily question the faith that I have in myself to have made the right decision...but at the end of the day, it was right for me.
I guess what I'm saying is, as someone who has been in a problem relationship, and as someone who seems to have known/does know quite a few people who are in one...are you in one? It's a really hard thing to delve into because it involves taking such an arduous, intricate look at yourself (something I've been focussing on a lot lately) and deciding on whether or not you are getting everything you need - a challenge even on the best of days.
Just food for thought,
- Jenn
Friday, October 22, 2010
"And then he winked at me. It was awkward."
Ok,so...
Headed out to the Nova Scotia Music Educator's Conference today. It was actually a pretty good experience...even though I left about half way through to go look for halloween costumes (good little teacher I is). I also ran into one of my ex-vocal coaches today. Back in my first year of my undergrad, he started in the Education program at the same time. We ran in to each other in meal hall one day and he sat and talked to me for awhile. Before he left he offered to "help" me out with anything if I needed it through out the year. Anything at all. And then he winked at me. It was awkward. I hadn't seen him since then until today. He is married and has a kid with another on the way. Awesome.
Anyway, here are a few interesting facts that I learned today:
"Music majors are the most likely group of college grads to be admitted to medical school."
- Lewis Thomas, Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994
"Students who participate in school band or orchestra have the lowest levels of current and lifelong use of alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs among any groups in our society."
- House of Congress, Res. 226, United States Senate, June 13, 2000
"A study of 7,500 university students revealed that music majors scored the highest reading scores among all majors including English, Biology, Chemistry, and Math."
- The Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994
"The foremost technical designers and engineers in Silicon Valley (companies like Apple) are almost all practicing musicians."
- Dee Dickinson, Music and the Mind, 1993
Things worth remembering the next time that someone says music has no place in our schools.
If music be the food of love, play on,
- Jenn
Headed out to the Nova Scotia Music Educator's Conference today. It was actually a pretty good experience...even though I left about half way through to go look for halloween costumes (good little teacher I is). I also ran into one of my ex-vocal coaches today. Back in my first year of my undergrad, he started in the Education program at the same time. We ran in to each other in meal hall one day and he sat and talked to me for awhile. Before he left he offered to "help" me out with anything if I needed it through out the year. Anything at all. And then he winked at me. It was awkward. I hadn't seen him since then until today. He is married and has a kid with another on the way. Awesome.
Anyway, here are a few interesting facts that I learned today:
"Music majors are the most likely group of college grads to be admitted to medical school."
- Lewis Thomas, Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994
"Students who participate in school band or orchestra have the lowest levels of current and lifelong use of alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs among any groups in our society."
- House of Congress, Res. 226, United States Senate, June 13, 2000
"A study of 7,500 university students revealed that music majors scored the highest reading scores among all majors including English, Biology, Chemistry, and Math."
- The Case for Music in the Schools, Phi Delta Kappa, 1994
"The foremost technical designers and engineers in Silicon Valley (companies like Apple) are almost all practicing musicians."
- Dee Dickinson, Music and the Mind, 1993
Things worth remembering the next time that someone says music has no place in our schools.
If music be the food of love, play on,
- Jenn
Thursday, October 21, 2010
"Smacked in the face by that wafting funk."
Ok, so...
Most shocking though, was not the randomly scattered dirty laundry, food-crusted dishes, or even the soap-scum caked showers or repugnantly stained toilets. It was the smell. Yes, the smell! And not just any smell. A smell that is representative of itself and unmistakable in aroma. Body Odor. An overpowering stench that will send even the most desperate foragers fleeing in the opposite direction. It is a wonder to me that people can hunker down in their homes like that? I mean, I suppose if you were trapped in there for a while, you would become somewhat immune to the stank...but what about when you leave? There is no way that you could return to that from a day out in crisp, refreshing, unadulterated air and not be smacked in the face by that wafting funk.
I'm pretty sure that the whole experience has scarred me for life, but on a positive note...from now on, my place will always be clean!
Stay swicked,
- Jenn
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
"God of War?..Meet God of Mullets!"
Ok so...
I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but does it seem like the mullet is making a comeback? Maybe it's that it never really left for some people, or maybe it's that I live in an area overrun with folkies from all walks of butt-%^&*-nowhere, but I swear I'm seeing more and more business in the front, party in the back coifs then ever before. I feel like I'm living in www.peopleofwalmart.com. And actually, come to think of it, when I was home over Thanksgiving my parents and I went out for dinner to celebrate their anniversary and our waiter had a mullet! He was really young too - like could not have possibly been older than 25! I like to think that he lost a bet because there was tracks shaved in his sideburns as well, but still. There it was. Another mullet.
Is anyone else aware of this trend, or is it just me?
- Jenn
"I've always wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list."
Ok, so...
This blog, an effort that has been encouraged by many because I apparently tend to say clever things once in awhile, has been a thorn in my side because I didn't know where start. I've been trying to come up with something riveting to write about...pretty much to no avail, when I suddenly had an epiphany. I realized that the shit that has happened in my personal life as of late is about as funny as it gets. So, allow me to indulge you in what occurred about two weeks ago.
I'd been talking to a co-worker from the summer for just a few days - he will remain nameless, for his safety, and frankly...for my own as well. When/if he sees this, I am dead...so know that I am fully going down in flames for all of you! Anyway, when I left my job at the end of August to return to school, I opened my mouth and said something I probably shouldn't have. I told him that "if things didn't work out with his girlfriend, he should look me up." No harm, no foul right? WRONG!!! A word to the wise folks...if you question, even for a moment, whether or not something is right to say? Stop! Stop right then and shut your damn mouth, cause it isn't. Seriously. Count that as my first salient piece of advice to be featured in this blog because I have made that mistake more times then I will ever be able to recall and the mess has never, ever been easy to clean up. But I digress...the point of this story is not to relay my stupidity (there will be plenty of opportunities for that...believe me), it is to relay his.
Anyway, the conversations we engaged in took a little less than a kosher turn - I can admit that I was fully enamored by the attention. Stop rolling you eyes - don't even think for a second that you wouldn't be either. Guy or girl, attention from an attractive member of the opposite sex (or the same - no judgement here) is always enjoyed, even if not entirely wanted or warranted. That is salient piece of advice #2 by the way...we're all animals at heart. Anyway, eventually our heated exchanges resulted in this: "I've always kind of wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list." Erm, I'm sorry. What was that? What did you just say there? Did you say it was on your BUCKET LIST?? Your BUCKET LIST! I'm sorry, but I don't think that was what Academy Award winners Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson had in mind when they created their wish list of things to do "before they kicked the bucket" in the dramedy of the same name.
Now, I consider myself a realist and a fairly liberal person at heart. However, I also think that this rather relaxed approach to life and my choice to deal with things this way puts me in the minority. This part of my personality is something that he was very aware of, and was even once stated as one of the things he liked best about me...but c'mon. C'mon. Really? That is what you say to a woman you are trying to bag? I'm pretty sure that would have made most women turn their noses up in disgust and peace out...you know, a-town-down and all that. For me, it didn't. But I was surprised - I can admit that. Gentleman (and I hope to have a few of you following me at some point), if you want to cheat on your current woman with the fox you met at the bar last night, or last week, last month...whatever...do NOT voice it as being part of your $&#%ing Bucket List. Or forever consider that a chastity belt has been locked over your genitals, because shawty ain't never gonna touch your junk with a ten-foot poll.
So, that's it. Of course, the story goes on but not in a way that is either eventful or interesting enough to write about any further. Just remember, when you want to do something that would be considered as less than "amenable" with/to someone else, don't announce it as part of your freakin' Bucket List.
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
- Jenn
This blog, an effort that has been encouraged by many because I apparently tend to say clever things once in awhile, has been a thorn in my side because I didn't know where start. I've been trying to come up with something riveting to write about...pretty much to no avail, when I suddenly had an epiphany. I realized that the shit that has happened in my personal life as of late is about as funny as it gets. So, allow me to indulge you in what occurred about two weeks ago.
I'd been talking to a co-worker from the summer for just a few days - he will remain nameless, for his safety, and frankly...for my own as well. When/if he sees this, I am dead...so know that I am fully going down in flames for all of you! Anyway, when I left my job at the end of August to return to school, I opened my mouth and said something I probably shouldn't have. I told him that "if things didn't work out with his girlfriend, he should look me up." No harm, no foul right? WRONG!!! A word to the wise folks...if you question, even for a moment, whether or not something is right to say? Stop! Stop right then and shut your damn mouth, cause it isn't. Seriously. Count that as my first salient piece of advice to be featured in this blog because I have made that mistake more times then I will ever be able to recall and the mess has never, ever been easy to clean up. But I digress...the point of this story is not to relay my stupidity (there will be plenty of opportunities for that...believe me), it is to relay his.
Anyway, the conversations we engaged in took a little less than a kosher turn - I can admit that I was fully enamored by the attention. Stop rolling you eyes - don't even think for a second that you wouldn't be either. Guy or girl, attention from an attractive member of the opposite sex (or the same - no judgement here) is always enjoyed, even if not entirely wanted or warranted. That is salient piece of advice #2 by the way...we're all animals at heart. Anyway, eventually our heated exchanges resulted in this: "I've always kind of wanted to cheat. It's kind of on my bucket list." Erm, I'm sorry. What was that? What did you just say there? Did you say it was on your BUCKET LIST?? Your BUCKET LIST! I'm sorry, but I don't think that was what Academy Award winners Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson had in mind when they created their wish list of things to do "before they kicked the bucket" in the dramedy of the same name.
Now, I consider myself a realist and a fairly liberal person at heart. However, I also think that this rather relaxed approach to life and my choice to deal with things this way puts me in the minority. This part of my personality is something that he was very aware of, and was even once stated as one of the things he liked best about me...but c'mon. C'mon. Really? That is what you say to a woman you are trying to bag? I'm pretty sure that would have made most women turn their noses up in disgust and peace out...you know, a-town-down and all that. For me, it didn't. But I was surprised - I can admit that. Gentleman (and I hope to have a few of you following me at some point), if you want to cheat on your current woman with the fox you met at the bar last night, or last week, last month...whatever...do NOT voice it as being part of your $&#%ing Bucket List. Or forever consider that a chastity belt has been locked over your genitals, because shawty ain't never gonna touch your junk with a ten-foot poll.
So, that's it. Of course, the story goes on but not in a way that is either eventful or interesting enough to write about any further. Just remember, when you want to do something that would be considered as less than "amenable" with/to someone else, don't announce it as part of your freakin' Bucket List.
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
- Jenn
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