Monday, December 27, 2010

"Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it?

Ok, so...

You know something? Embarking on a new "relationship" is scary. I call it a "relationship" because no one ever really knows if that is what it is going to turn into. I don't even know if I think it is a good idea (it breaks several of my salient pieces of advice, but this is common for me - others learn from me, yet I never do). And you know, there are many people who say that the feeling of "butterflies in your stomach", or that anxiety you get right before you meet up with a new "prospect" is exciting and exhilirating - even I would probably say this at times - but all those people, including me, are completely insane. Didn't you ever notice, ironically enough, that we only lament about how we miss that butterfly feeling when we AREN'T feeling it? And conversely, when we are feeling it we'd rather be feeling anything else.

There are plenty of times where we begin seeing someone new and we think that this may be our next (or first?) serious relationship. Everything seems to be falling into place just so. You really like this person and think, oh yeah, this is totally not like all the irresponsilble flings I've had (or is that just me who does that?). There is something special, something different here. Yet so often, it doesn't turn out like that. Heck, this blog is a good example of how things regularly don't work out like that. In the almost three months that I've been writing here, (can you believe it's been three months? I can't. Time flies.) I've written about countless hilarious, painful, and embarrassing situations that I have been in, and ALL of them have not panned out. I've spent these last three months being quite single, and may perhaps spend the next three in that exact same position...or not? I guess only time will tell - something I'm amazingly fine with for one reason or another. Either way, I don't know who decided that starting a new "relationship" was exciting! They just deserve a good clock in the face because it's stressful and weighs on you as you try and decide what comes next, and essentially, whether or not what happens next should be anything at all.

From my bed at quarter to 2,

- Jenn

Friday, December 24, 2010

Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better?

Ok, so...

First of all, Merry Christmas! I hope you are all well!

Secondly. Karma is a bitch.

I have been learning this repeatedly over the last few days.

Example #1:

On Sunday night my church had it's annual carol service. This thing has been going on for about as long as I can remember. Seriously. And for the last couple years I have always sung at it. This year I didn't come home from school until the 19th, and this was the day of the service, so the organist (who works in the music department at Dalhousie University) brought in a tenor to sing one of the very common, but beautiful arias from Handel's Messiah. I read his name in the bulletin and thought to myself, "I dated a (person with that name) back in high school" and then I didn't think anything else of it. Turns out that I should have, because it was the same guy. Now, you have to understand, this guy was bizarre back in high school. I mean, mega bizarre. Long hair, leather jacket. Okay, you know what? That isn't fair. He wasn't bizarre, he was just...unconventional? Does that sound a bit better? Anyway, the point is that I never expected him to be so amazingly talented...and he really, really was. Karma is a bitch.

Example #2:

Remember Fred? The guy that I dated in high school and the reason that I turned down Bill (the guy I thought might be the one that got away)? Well, a few weeks ago when I was home visiting some friends, we went out to celebrate a birthday. We went to a bar - an entirely sketchy bar that I had never been to before - and of all the people that could have possibly ever been there, Fred was. It had been about 4 years since I'd seen him and he looked about the same. Older, and more mature maybe, but about the same...which was the ONLY thing that was the same. When we were younger, he had real issues with self esteem and he had no ambition. Now, he is in the navy, repairs ships, has a pretty serious girlfriend who is moving here for him, and owns a really lovely house - I went to see it a few days ago. I don't know if this whole thing occurred as way for him to prove that he made something of himself to me, or if it really did just occur by chance...but he looked great, and is doing really well. Karma is a bitch.

There are actually several other examples that I could give that have occurred over the last little while, but I think that these here are enough to prove my point. Sometimes, the shallow decisions you make come back to bite you in the ass, and they teach you a lesson big time. Ha.

Deckin' the halls,

 - Jenn

Sunday, December 19, 2010

"A person who is 'on the hook' will be overly infatuated with another person."

Ok, so...


Have you ever heard of the idea of being "on the hook"?


According to urbandictionary.com:


A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.


Often times the person who is on the hook is a back-up.


Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.
Ted: "Lisa came over last night and I gave her a foot rub as we watched a move."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."

The previous exemplary conversation is a snippet from Season 5, Episode 17 of How I Met Your Mother entitled "Hooked" (if you have never seen this or ever even heard of this idea, I highly suggest checking this episode out - it explains everything very well). 

A friend of mine has been "on the hook" for quite awhile now. He dated this girl, she broke up with him and thus far, he has failed to get over it. However, it isn't the fact that he is still hung up on her that really confuses me - that has happened to a lot of us, and it will continue to happen until the end of time. Instead, it's what she has continued to do since breaking up with him that really baffles me. She sends him flirty texts, comes over for very misleading visits, posts suggestive statements on likealittle.com (if you don't know what this is, check it out: www.likealittle.com - it's a time!). All of this points to one conclusion: she has him on her hook. I feel really terrible for him because his feelings are throughly involved and to a point where he has no idea how to get out of the situation. He'd rather be involved with her in the hook capacity than not at all. I can fully admit that I knowingly did that with the one that got away and it sucked. I feel for him. I really do.

At this point, I'm can safely say that I'm pretty sure I'm not on anyone's hook. However, for the amount of guys that I have been involved with that were in problem relationships, it is inevitable that I have unknowingly been on a few hooks. You know, where I was stupid enough to think that something good was going to come out of a situation where it never did, and never was going to in the first place.

To all of you out there who are on someone's hook, I feel for you. Maybe this entry will help you figure out that you are, and therefore help you get out. 

Unhooked,

 - Jenn 

Sunday, December 12, 2010

"Actions speak louder than words."

Ok, so...

You know this saying?

"Actions speak louder than words."

I have always been a huge advocate for this statement. You can lie through your teeth as much as you want, but the way you really feel becomes painfully clear through the way you act. Unless you have an incredible poker face, and so few of us do, it's out there for the world to see, whether we like it or not.

If someone likes you, you usually know because of the way they act around you - a hand-on-the-shoulder here, a gentle caress-of-the-small-of-the-back there. I playful laugh. I hug that lingers. Everything you do gives it away, and you can't help it. That desire to be near that person overwhelms all the other senses. It's impossible to do anything else than whatever that little thing you can do is to just be near them for a second. We all like to think that we are so in control of ourselves. In control of how we feel. In control of what we do. What we say. But actions speak louder than words, and they &%$! us in the ass every single time.

Obviously, this isn't only true with crushes, obsessions, or love - it's the same thing when someone is mad at you. A brooding stare. Crossed arms. You don't need to say anything at all,  because your actions are speaking up for the words you aren't saying.

The reason I say this is to point out the fact that if you are feeling a certain way, you might as well just say it...people know anyway lol. My friend, "rough patch with girlfriend" guy? He knew. He was aware. However, this is why I also think it's mutual, even if he isn't in a position to act on it right now. He's cuddly and likes to have late night chats...or at least he did. I have a feeling he will make it into here again at some point.

So, you know something! It's the holidays! Tell someone how you feel! There is no greater time of the year for love (but not hate..the thing I said about being mad? Don't go there. Be nice!)

Deckin' the halls,

 - Jenn

Friday, December 10, 2010

"Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)"

Ok, so...

Think back to when you were in Grade 6, 7, or 8. Yes. I know. It was awhile ago (at least I hope it was, or you have found my blog by chance and are FAR to young to be reading the material I include in it). Anyway, as I find myself conducting my first practicum in a middle school where I work with kids in each of those years, I am astounded by the things kids do these days...and even more shocked by the things the Grade 6's do than anything else. For example:

Kid #1: Hey man! You're girlfriend is about to get up and play her composition. You better pay attention (He playfully ribs Kid #2).

Kid #2: I know man. She's so hot.

(Kid #1, Kid #2, and their two friends sit there nodding as they stare at her)

Kid #2: Hey! Stop staring at my women! She ain't never gonna go for you.

Kid #1: Please! I'm not after her - I get my pick. I'm all about keeping my bachelor status.

OR:

Kid: Hey Ms, how are you today?

Me: Oh Hi! I'm great how are you?

Kid: I'm good. I was just wondering, are you married?

Me: No. I'm not.

Kid: Do you want to be?

Me: Some day, not right now though.

Kid: Darn. Well, I hope I'm still on the market when you are interested, cause I am...;)


These kids are 11...not possibly more than 12 at the most. Are they serious?  That boy actually winked at me. When I was Grade 6  I definitely wasn't clever enough to do or say things like that! They spend half of their classes with me everyday whispering back and forth about who likes who and who's gonna kiss at lunch. In Grade 6, I was wearing Cookie Monster sweatshirts and matching 2-piece Adidas tracksuits with a ponytail frizzier than Mel B's fro during her Spice Girl days. These kids are wearing high-tops a la Justin Bieber and DC and Burton t-shirts. In fact, these kids are more stylish and put together than a lot of people my own age! They try harder and they aren't even teenagers yet! Most of them even have their hair coloured! Ridiculous.

There is no point to this entry - I just thought it was funny and mildly enjoyable.

Bringing a laugh,

 - Jenn

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

"However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. 'Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious.' "

Ok, so..

I have managed to go ahead and do something incredibly stupid...yet, again. Sometimes, people ask you a question and you just decide to tell the truth because, you know, it's now or never. I did this. I did this because he asked, and I didn't want to lie. I had been wondering whether or not I should say anything and I had been thinking about mentioning it, but he was going through a rough patch with a new girlfriend and now didn't seem like the time. However, because he is a friend that I value, when he asked, I told the truth. "Yes, I have liked you for awhile, and yeah, I'm completely serious." At first, he seemed to take it perfectly well - the reaction was actually better than I expected, and maybe even a little on the good side...and I was happy about that.  I wasn't asking for anything in return. I want him to be happy and for that to happen in whatever capacity it needs too.

However, as things often do, this exploded in my face. I regret having said anything because the after-effects aren't worth the honesty. He's become upset with me, or upset with what I said...or something. Whatever it is, I feel absolutely terrible about it. So bad, that I cried this morning...and I don't cry. I honestly, truly wish I would have never said anything rather than have had it put a riff the size of Asia in our friendship...and that is what I think has happened. You know how people always say that honesty is the best policy? Well, I'm having a really hard time believing that right now.

So, on the off chance that he may ever read this...I'm really sorry. I never meant to cause any harm. You're a wonderful guy and a great friend, and I hope we come out somewhat normal (and I say somewhat because neither of us are really normal in the first place) on the other side of this whole thing.

I am really, truly, sorry.

In my own forum,

 - Jenn

Saturday, December 04, 2010

"I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends."

Ok, so...

I know that my blog entries are essentially me, going to work bitching about whatever hilarious thing is going on in my life. Frequently, it's some situation involving the given gentleman of the moment and how he is royally pissing me off...Actually, it isn't ever really anything else is it? Sad eh? Well, I can happily say that I am switching gears because today is about something completely different! The GOOD, in the good, the bad, and the ugly that I claim to write about.

Last night, I went to an amazingly fun Christmas Party...a tradition that I sort of started last year (whoops), resulting in us looking forward to it for weeks before it occurred this year. Now, as wild as it was...and really, it was (take a look at the pictures, you'll see), it made me realize something. I have amazing friends. Wonderful, fantastic, unbelievable, indescribable friends. Believe me when I say that I am not someone who is immune to feeling lonely, and I often wish that I saw them more than I do, but when we get together...even if we've been apart for longer than we planned to be...we pick up right where we left off. It's like we were never apart at all. That is something you can't fake - that's real chemistry, and we have it.

I'm not sure that I thank my friends enough for being there for me when I really need them. I'm completely aware of the fact that I am not like the average girl - I've said this before - so I can't always be the easiest person to deal with - I really am so stupid sometimes (I mean really, just read what I've wrote about over the last little while. That's only 2 months worth. Eeps.) And while these friends may not all be there every single time, (I'm sure I'm not either) someone always is, and that is something that can only be repaid by doing the same. Paying it forward. Something I think I'm going to try and do that much more of from now on.

So, take a minute to thank your friends today for being just that - your friends. In my case, I think they deserve it because being my friend must make for some pretty tedious work sometimes;).

Spreading the love,

 - Jenn