Ok, so...
I completely apologize for my lack of writing as of late. I know that I have been really slack with my dedication to this blog, but it is my true and humble intention to get back to writing...I'll try and stick it it!
I started drafting this entry at the beginning of April and then I got side-tracked and forgot about it, but I've decided that it still has relevance so I'm going to finish it now and post it anyway:
As I sit here in in a lazy Sunday, in my bedroom at my parent's house after having had a lovely, relaxing weekend, I've started to think about how my birthday is this week. Wednesday to be precise. I'll be 24, and 24 is an age that scares me. It's almost like I should be further along than I am. I'm still in university (not something I pictured myself still doing by this age), my best friend is getting married in September (something that I don't think I ever truly thought was going to happen because I never believed that I would actually grow up), and people all around me are having children...on purpose! I admit that I have no idea as to whether or not I want kids to be part of my plan. I sway back and forth a lot. Sometimes I hear a kid cry and I'm like "instant birth control," but other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away...but that is very seldom, therefore reassuring me that I still have very little desire for children at this stage in my life....but should I? Should I be starting to feel that tug, the "biological clock" and all that? It's not that I'm so old! I'm not, but my age has definitely become a focus as it is the brunt of jokes for many of the people I attend school with - many of whom are significantly younger than me! I date someone who is 2 years younger than me (very happily I might add), but I often wonder if I will reach the next stage before he is ready to get there with me, and whether or not that will be a problem? Really, I just worry too much in general, but knowing it doesn't stop you from doing it...no matter how much you try.
I'll be interested to see what I have to say about this topic next year? Will I still be in the same place? Will I still be unsure about what's supposed to come next? Will I still be planning to remain in Canada when I graduate that one month later? I'm curious to know so I hope I'm still blogging and that I remember to come back to this entry before I write my new one...I think it could be pretty good.
Contemplatively considering,
- Jenn
