"This was a lovely event, but the loveliness isn't actually my focus here! Complete and totally blunt assholery is."

Ok, so...

What is wrong with people!! A few weeks ago, I was on the Light The Night Walk in support of the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and their attempts to find a cure for blood cancer. It was a very moving event. Over 800 walkers filled the streets of Halifax in a peaceful homage to those who are fighting the aggressive battle with cancer, and sadly, to those who have lost it as well. Each walker carries a lit balloon and there are all different colours. One for supporting the cause, another to show that you are a survivor, and another if you are walking  in memory of someone who has passed. The walk even passed by the IWK where children who were fighting blood cancers sat at the window with glow sticks to thank all that got involved.

This was a lovely event, but the loveliness isn't actually my focus here! Complete and totally blunt assholery is. As we were walking, there was a gentleman (pushing a STROLLER no less) who decided that it would be tasteful to yell "GO HOME" TWICE, before veering off into the HALIFAX INFIRMARY!!! Are you serious! Someone you know is sick, and you thought it would be funny (or insulting, or clever...I don't know) to yell at people who are trying to help others who are suffering the same fate - frequent hospital visits and overnight stays!? Sir, I find it hard to believe that anyone was inclined to have children with you, thinking that you may be a good father and perhaps a fabulous influence. I'm more inclined to think that is was an accident and how she's stuck with you, but what do I know...maybe she's an awful human being too. Either way, I hope your child grows up to be a better person than you! Ugh!

Anyway, sorry for my absence and all that blither. I'm a failure at staying on top of this...but I'm going to try.

Hoping you are better than that guy,

 - Jenn

"Our grandfather was an incredibly strong father figure, one that we so badly needed, and now our step-dad is too."

Ok, so...

I suck. I seriously, seriously, suck. I said I was going to write more frequently, and look what happened! It's been a whole month! God, that makes me angry! I always say I'm going to get back to writing here and I never make it happen because I'm too freakin' busy to do anything that I really want to do. So I apologize. Seriously. I'm being quite a disappointment.

Anyway, a lot of interesting things have been happening lately, but this is the most important: I've met both of my half brothers. My sister and I are fully biologically related -  we have the same parents and we grew up in the same house, pulling each other's hair and fighting about all those things that sisters do. "Stop taking my clothes!" "Stop wearing my make-up!"...and all that good stuff. Our brothers, while born of the same father as us, both have different mothers us. Both of them. Meaning that my Dad knocked up three different ladies ( I know what you are thinking, and I am thinking the same thing...my Dad is a slut). One is older than both of us, and one is within months of my sister...and we did not know either of them growing up, and our Dad had nothing to do with them.

My sister and I have been very blessed throughout our lives - we may not always express it, but we absolutely know that we are. I've never really been without anything. If I wanted to take lessons for something, I could. If I wanted a guitar for Christmas, I got it. And if I needed money for school, or anything really...I got that too. I'm spoiled rotten, and I know it. This is not to say that I don't work hard. I do. I work a full-time job at the same time doing my second full-time degree, and I am regularly picked up for singing engagements these days in the very limited time that I DO have off. In fact, when this Saturday arrives, a day off for me, it will have been 28 days since I last had a day off. Almost a 1 month. But I am lucky, and I know it.

Both of our brothers have had extreme difficulties in their lives. I won't talk about them here because I don't feel that it is my place to publicize their struggles, but I can tell you that they were awful and it's very hard for both my sister and I to accept. Some of those struggles were directly related to the absence of our father, and some were not, but I can tell you that the lack of support, both financially and emotionally, from him certainly didn't help. Though my Mom was often a single parent throughout our childhood (my Dad filtered in and out, bringing hurricane-strength drama with him every time he did), she worked very hard and she, we really, had the undying support of our grandparents...and they are the people that we literally wouldn't have survived without. Our grandfather was an incredibly strong father figure, one that we so badly needed, and now our step-dad is too.

I'm so glad that our brothers have come into our lives, and that we may be able to now offer them some support  that they just wasn't there for them before. But I'm also glad because it has allowed me to take a step back and realize just what I've had.

So, I ask you to do the same. If you've had a good life, and your family has her been there for you, supported you, and pushed you to be the very best that you can be...tell them you love them and appreciate everything that they've given you...because there are a lot of people who can't do that.

Reminding us all to share the love,

 - Jenn

"It's not like he was a pig and CHOSE to be an asshat? There were just times that it occurred, and I began to wonder if the investment was worth it."

Ok, so...

Holy, holy, holy....I've been really lazy. I planned to take a small hiatus from blogging last year in order to get my life sorted out a bit after school ended last year...and evidently, it turned out to be a lot, looooooot longer than I had planned. BUTTTT, I'm back, and I plan to rededicate myself writing and being here for my readers (if I still have any left)...Sheesh.

So, a ton has happened over the last few months. My romantic life is in fabulous shape, and while that is marvellous for me...it is not necessarily going to be a such a perk for this blog. I don't really like the idea of writing about my personal life when it includes selling out the person that I live with (we moved in together at the beginning of the month), but it's pretty probable that little parts of our relationship will ooze out and emanate all over this blog. I feel sorry for him really. Some of our friends are inevitably going to come to judge him based on the things I share here. The poor bastard.

However, throughout all of this, there is something I have learned...something so important that it is going to become salient piece of advice #10: Your heart knows you better than anyone or anything else. Sometimes is pays off to just shut the hell up and listen to it, okay? When I first met my boyfriend, he was sweet, kind, and handsome but about as awkward as they come and as inexperienced as you can get...seriously. He meant well, but he did a few things that were so insensitive and disrespectful in the beginning of our relationship that several of my friends questioned why I wanted to stay with him? One friend said "You don't want to be stuck being his teacher, or even worse, a mother figure to him." What she meant was that we could very easily fall into a the trap of me always trying to show him to handle a relationship. He so desperately wanted to do well, to be the best boyfriend possible, but he had spent so much time being a bachelor and thinking only about himself that he really didn't know how else to act. And if I were to be honest, which I always am when I write here...there were a few times that I really wasn't sure that we would make it...I honestly wondered if he had been dropped on his head as a child! Why else would you be so devoid of the general decency that people have towards one another in relationships. It's not like he was a pig and CHOSE to be an asshat? There were just times that it occurred, and I began to wonder if the investment was worth it.

BUT.

But.

Something always kept me there.

Something kept me believing in him, even when he did something that didn't deserve me giving him a second thought, because deep down, my heart knew something bigger was there. And boy? Was there ever. He is still sweet, kind, and handsome (and as my feelings have grown, even more handsome - meeeooowww) but now, he is considerate, attentive, and goes out of his way to be there for me as much as possible. I'm not even remotely sorry about sticking it out.

Some people will look at this and their immediate response will be "all you did was condition him, like your little lap dog, to do whatever you wanted." That is not what happened. The development of strong and healthy relationship came out of that little elementary school saying, treat others as you would like to be treated, which is salient piece of advice #11...We frequently forget how much treating someone well can do for them. In this case, I was as good to him as I could possibly be (with the exception of the moments when he pissed me off beyond momentary repair) and he began to work on returning it...and he does. Every single day. That's not conditioning - that's being a decent human being.

Think about it!

Happy to be back,

 - Jenn

Ok, so...

It really is amazing how much your life can change in one year! I know that my last entry focussed on this idea in the way that I thought I would be further a long in how my life as a whole had progressed, but it's also incredible to look at how much has just changed in this one year. Right from April of last year to now. In that one year, I ended one meaningful relationship, and started another (not to say that there weren't all kinds of little blips on the radar in between...there were...whoops...), decided that one of my jobs was no longer for me, saw some friendships grow and some deplete, and most of all, became cemented in the idea that the career path I've been going down for the last 6 years might actually be the right one (phew) and as I became more confident in it, I watched my GPA skyrocket as a result. While in someways, I don't really feel that I have gotten as far as I had planned, in other ways I feel extremely blessed for all that has happened this year and everything that has moved forward.

This may seem like a strange time of the year to be doing a review of sorts, but for me, this really is the end of the year. I'm literally sitting in them music office at Pine Ridge for the last time...which means a 4 month vacation...well, not really. It means work, but at least it's a change. Right? That's what I keep telling myself anyway. That I will enjoy TH, and not spend the time missing my kids terribly...which is actually what will happen. Sigh.

From PRMS,

 - Jenn

"But other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away..."

Ok, so...

I completely apologize for my lack of writing as of late. I know that I have been really slack with my dedication to this blog, but it is my true and humble intention to get back to writing...I'll try and stick it it!

I started drafting this entry at the beginning of April and then I got side-tracked and forgot about it, but I've decided that it still has relevance so I'm going to finish it now and post it anyway:

As I sit here in in a lazy Sunday, in my bedroom at my parent's house after having had a lovely, relaxing weekend, I've started to think about how my birthday is this week. Wednesday to be precise. I'll be 24, and 24 is an age that scares me. It's almost like I should be further along than I am. I'm still in university (not something I pictured myself still doing by this age), my best friend is getting married in September (something that I don't think I ever truly thought was going to happen because I never believed that I would actually grow up), and people all around me are having children...on purpose! I admit that I have no idea as to whether or not I want kids to be part of my plan. I sway back and forth a lot. Sometimes I hear a kid cry and I'm like "instant birth control," but other times, just once in awhile, I want to pick that poor little thing up and cuddle him or her until all that pain goes away...but that is very seldom, therefore reassuring me that I still have very little desire for children at this stage in my life....but should I? Should I be starting to feel that tug, the "biological clock" and all that? It's not that I'm so old! I'm not, but my age has definitely become a focus as it is the brunt of jokes for many of the people I attend school with -  many of whom are significantly younger than me! I date someone who is 2 years younger than me (very happily I might add), but I often wonder if I will reach the next stage before he is ready to get there with me, and whether or not that will be a problem? Really, I just worry too much in general, but knowing it doesn't stop you from doing it...no matter how much you try.

I'll be interested to see what I have to say about this topic next year? Will I still be in the same place? Will I still be unsure about what's supposed to come next? Will I still be planning to remain in Canada when I graduate that one month later? I'm curious to know so I hope I'm still blogging and that I remember to come back to this entry before I write my new one...I think it could be pretty good.

Contemplatively considering,

 - Jenn

It's much easier to be strong when it's someone else's feelings...but when it's your own? Not so much."

Ok, so...

How does the importance of someone telling you how they feel stack up against someone showing you how they feel? And well, you may be thinking to yourself, what exactly is the difference? A couple of entries back, I wrote about the 5 love languages, and the one (or so I thought) that was most important to me was physical touch, but then I found out that quality time also mattered a great deal to me. I value someone, especially the person I'm dating, being affectionate with me through hugging, kissing, sex etc., but also spending one on one time with me. These two areas, quality time and physical touch, would most definitely constitute as two things in the "showing" category. This isn't to disregard the importance of being told - that tends to substitute well for me in a situation where I can't be shown (like long distance) because I'm still being reassured...but when I'm in the presence of someone, showing is where it's at.

I realize that there may not be many people like me. Maybe there are, but I don't think they're admitting it because deep down, where no one really sees, I'm a real softy and it comes out full force when my feelings get involved. It's much easier to be strong when it's someone else's feelings...but when it's your own? Not so much.

Show someone you love them today. You'll be surprised what as to what a difference it makes.

 For the sake of the ramble,

 - Jenn

"Great compatibility makes a relationship worth all of the work that is required to keep it going, so it's importance to know if that's what you have and if it's really worth all that work."

Ok, so...


When my personal life is in good shape, and for a change it actually is, it can sometimes be a challenge for me to come up with anything good to write about...mostly because I usually spend my entries bitching about something...But finally, something came to me:


What is the difference between love and lust and how do you know which one you are feeling?


The definition of "lust" (according to dictionary.com):

Lust - Intense sexual desire or appetite; Uncontrolled of illicit sexual desire or appetite; A passionate or overmastering desire or craving. 


The definition of love (from the one and the same source):

Love - A profoundly tender, passionate affection for each other; A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection; Sexual passion or desire. 


Based on just these definitions alone, what I can sum up from them is this: Lust is when you want to jump their bones 24/7, and love is when you want to jump their bones but cuddle before and after. Ok, no. Obviously I think there is more to it then that. It's differentiating between high sexual attraction existing alone or as the sole priority, and a relationship where high sexual attraction is coupled with a "deep sense of compatibility" (eHarmony commercials anyone?). To really be in love with someone, it has to be about more than just what happens between the sheets. This is not me discounting the importance of sex, and you know this, but love encompasses a whole lot more than just that! Great compatibility makes a relationship worth all of the work that is required to keep it going, so it's importance to know if that's what you have and if it's really worth all that work.

So, if sexual chemistry is the first component of deep compatibility, what is the second? It's finding a "best friend". Someone who wants the same things that you do. Maybe you both want to travel, or live in a particular place, or get married...or whatever? But, you both want the same things. That's so important, because when the lusty "in your pants, constantly" feeling wears off, there needs to be something deeper holding you together.

Therefore, I'm coming at you with another quiz. This compatibilty quiz does not give a definitive answer as to whether or not you and your partner are going to make it in the long term, but it does ask some pretty essential questions if you ask me. I wouldn't call it entirely scientific or anything, but it definitely gets you thinking about some of the components of your relationship. I scored a 94% and I'm really happy about that! I try to learn as much as possible about the other person in my relationship, so I'm glad to see that I felt so positively about so many of the categories.

Post a comment with your average, and maybe how you feel about it if you feel so inclined - anonymous is more than fine :)!

Inquisitively quizzing you all,

 - Jenn