"This is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs."

Ok, so...

Pubcrawls and Jenn should not ever conspire to make an appearance together. I never manage to get through them without doing something stupid. However, as stupid as what I did this time was (and incidently, I did feel really bad about it), I've come to realize that I suddenly don't feel that bad at all. A very good friend of mine once said that I seem to attract men who are in relationships, and that maybe it was because I'm a bit of a "wild child" and look like I would be up for things that a lot of other girls wouldn't be. She said "are they going to pick the conservative prude? No. They are going to go for the crazy, outgoing girl that likes to have fun. That's exactly what stands out about you when you become the target." If I were to fess up and be honest, and I will be for the sake of this blog, then that is very true. I don't apologize for what happens in my life...it all equals lessons learned (salient lesson #3). So here is the lesson:

I attract guys who are in problem relationships. My ex was in one, "bucket list" is in one..and actually several others whom I've met and since left behind long before the creation of this blog were also in one. If we were really to break cheating down to a science (and this is excluding the few people out there who really are obtuse, unequivocal pigs), we would realize that those who cheat, male and female, usually (which is why I mentioned the pigs) do so because they are unhappy with what they have. To some degree, the relationship that they are a part of isn't offering them something they need.  Either it's suffering from long-distance syndrome, bad sex (or lack there of), poor emotional support, someone's crippling shortfall of self confidence...and I could go on, but I think you get my point: The problems being had could be a combination including all, or none, of those things I just mentioned...but either way, something isn't happening for them leaving problems to exist and the yearning for some sort of an outlet.

As someone who has never cheated (out of luck, or morals...I'm not really sure?) I have only ever belonged to one half of the equation (the key 1+1=2 equation that divides the ownership of responsibility between the two parties involved), the half that becomes involved without technically doing something wrong. I say technically because that depends on how you see it. Some would say that if you aren't the one in the relationship, you owe nothing to anyone and shouldn't feel bad for your actions. Others would say that you are at fault because you allowed yourself to take part in something that would inevitably cause someone else pain (whether you know them or not). I will not express where my opinion lies on this, but simply leave it as something you can decide on for yourselves. There are valid arguments for both. The point is, these problem relationships exist, and I draw the attention of people who are in them.

I, in no way, am claiming that I think that I am the answer to all of these things either. I'm not saying that I find long-distance easy, am unbelievable in the sack, know how to support someone through every awful thing that could happen to them, or that I have unwavering conviction in myself everyday...but I do know what it feels like to be in a relationship that I wasn't sold on...and now, what it feels like to not be. I may be lonely sometimes, and even momentarily question the faith that I have in myself to have made the right decision...but at the end of the day, it was right for me.

I guess what I'm saying is, as someone who has been in a problem relationship, and as someone who seems to have known/does know quite a few people who are in one...are you in one? It's a really hard thing to delve into because it involves taking such an arduous, intricate look at yourself (something I've been focussing on a lot lately) and deciding on whether or not you are getting everything you need - a challenge even on the best of days.

Just food for thought,

- Jenn