"Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up."

Ok, so...

You know what is amazing? When you figure out how much feelings you think have changed really  haven't. Lately, I've been spending time around a few people that I haven't seen in awhile. Some are those that I just completely miss having in my life, and some (or one in particular) are the kind where the attraction that I thought had gone away really hasn't...at all. Those big blue eyes, and those smile lines that creep up around them? They literally make my heart skip a beat. If I wrote with people's names included, which I don't, and you could facebook him...I'm sure you would agree..at least the ladies would? But I digress, yet again. I get off topic easily. Point is, you don't forget them, and you don't forget what they did...or still do to you.

But that's the problem isn't it? Feelings are funny that way. They seriously #%€£ your shit up. Seriously. Like, I don't have time for this. No one does. I don't have time to want "blue eyes" (and p.s. - I feel the need to mention that "blue eyes" is also "bucket list," the one and the same...do not judge), but he did something to me from them moment I met him...and I can't change that. However, that also doesn't change the fact that it pisses me off that I should want someone so much that I can't have. Or maybe I could have him? Maybe I'm just so unwilling to really compete...and that is what it would take. Direct competition. Remember my entry about "bucket list"..? I was annoyed when wrote that, and frankly, the idea of it still really annoys me...but he's something different, and despite his absolute blunt stupidity in telling me about his desire to cheat...I can't ignore the pull I feel towards him.

Which really only leaves one question. What now? What next? Anyone out there have the answer? 

I always have answers for everyone else. I think I'm known for that. But answers for me? Never. 

Speaking from the heart,

- Jenn