Ok, so...
I feel that this entry may provoke controversy, as one of my posts in the past did when a male reader took a gander. I have no idea how many of my readers out there are guys, and I have no idea who it was that left the comment. It may have been someone I know, a regular anonymous reader, or just some arbitrary guy who happened to stumble upon my work. Either way, he was a little perturbed with what I had to say, so I offer this in fair warning: If what I've written offends anyone, that wasn't my direct intention. This is just what I think. As I say, I'm a good rambler and it's a good reason for a blog.
Therefore...bring it on.
"Guys are the new girls." A lovely, and what I would call rather fascinating, friend of mine said this to me not too long ago. She actually requested that I write about it then, and I said that I would...but then I put it off. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how to attack it...I mean, that's a pretty lofty claim to make isn't it? "Guys are the new girls?" What does that even mean? What exactly is it that we portray where men could somehow have just learned to morph into it (and keyword being JUST because I am classifying it as something rather "new")?
Okay, yes. That 's just me getting all philosophical - pointing out that there isn't simply just one view on this. However, that doesn't mean I don't know what my friend was specifically getting at. I do, and what she was getting at was this: Men are wusses. They have turned into the soft-hearted, whimpering, idealists - something that used to be synonymous with being a women. Now, don't go off and get your panties all in a bunch. I'm clearly not insinuating that all men are like this! I'm not even suggesting that half are like this, but I am implying that there are more men like this than ever before. I'm also not saying that all women cry themselves to sleep in a mountain of Puffs+Lotion, sobbing their hurt feelings away when twilight sets in. Essentially, I'm just addressing a stereotype that has been put into place by our society! Folks, don't shoot the messenger!
Now, more than ever before, it has become common place to see a man: 1) Throw a fit when something doesn't go his way. 2) Cry when he gets dumped. 3) Seek revenge on the person that hurt him. 4) Talk shit about that person behind their back to all his friends (and yours!)...annnnddd the list could go on, but I think you see my point. All of these behaviours are those that have always been so closely associated with an emotionally desecrated women. I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? However, lately it seems that hell has crossed the divide and taken up residence with men! You may think that I'm talking out of my ass here, but I can actually think of countless examples of this as I sit here, right now, in this very moment! I don't even have to take a ONE minute out to come up with any! That's how many I have! If I used people's names (which you know I don't), I could give an actual innumerable amount of instances where this has occurred! I do not lie. Seriously.
Which only leaves one question? Why is this happening? Gentleman, your input would be highly appreciated, because if I recall a few years back in just my own life alone, the one that got away (and dude, if you happen to read this, you should comment) put me through unmitigated, consummate hell for feeling any of those things? Now, I fully admit that I was not easy to get along with, like fully know that I was an absolute asshole in moments, but I think I got worse the more he put me through. Women are always punished for showing heartbreak, and yet, men have now decided that they want to wallow away in a pint of Haagen Dazs too? It doesn't make any sense!
I write about this based on experiences from my own life, and the many I have witnessed go down in the lives of people close to me...so yes, I do think I have a leg to stand on! It just seems that the further into the 21st century we go, the more likely it is that we are going to see more people living out their lives with the "heart on my sleeve" mentality, men and women a like...and what I'm really starting to wonder is, can we handle it?
Inspired by the inspired,
- Jenn
2 comments:
This stereotype is nothing but damaging to a relationship, for men and women. Women are pegged as over-emotional creatures that let everything get under their skin and jump off the deep end and straight into that tub of ice cream. Men are supposed to be these strong silent types but half the time that is the problem. Whats wrong with showing a little emotion fellas I mean really, it would save the girls a lot of heart ache and you a head ache if you opened up a little more or didn't act like such an a-hole.
However this line of thinking has a caused a new problem to develop. In this case it seems that we don't like it when men show no emotions because it drives us nuts wondering how they feel about us and what not. However, we also don't want them to show too much emotion where we, as the woman in the relationship, end up having to be the man. Is it possible to find a man who shows his emotions without being "a woman" about it?
KP
@KP: The question you end with could also swing the other way: Is it possible to find a woman who doesn't show her emotions without being too "manly" about it?
I think both sexes ideally want a partner that strikes the correct balance between emotion and stoicism.
In my opinion, the real question with this blog entry, is not about whether or not a proper balance can be met. Because at the end of the day, "balance" is subjective and what I may deem as emotional TMI, another woman might see as the bare minimum.
The heart of this matter is trying to look at how gender roles are changing in North American society.
20/30 years ago, it would be pretty inconceivable to imagine a scenario where a woman goes into a sexual relationship with a man purely for sex, communicates this fact to the man, and then has to deal with the emotional fallout once the man gets too involved and is completely distraught once it doesn't result in a long-term relationship.
Nowadays, that very situation not only happens but happens regularly.
Women have been traditionally pegged as the partner in the relationship who demands emotional sharing, monogamy, gestures of love, etc. What Jenn is trying to get at, I think, is the "why" behind how men *of our generation* are slipping (quickly and easily) into this traditionally 'feminine' role.
What has spurred on this change? Has it been a direct result of woman usurping traditional male roles in the past 20 years (going to university, becoming the main breadwinner of the family, claiming and embracing their own sexuality, etc)? Do you think men would have reached this emotional evolution regardless of women changing their own societal stereotypes?
Will it continue to change to the extent that in 50 years men will play the role in a relationship that housewives did in the 1950s? Where and when will the "traditional male role" stop disintegrating? What would this mean for how women are expected to act like in a relationship? Is a complete end to stereotypical gender roles an ideal situation -- and more importantly, does such a thing even exist??
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