Ok, so...
Think about your last break-up? I know you remember it. Was it absolutely miserable? Did you do the dumping? Did you get dumped? Was it your heart that got broken, or the other persons? Regardless of how your last break-up went, what I'm about to bring up right now applies. When you guys broke up, how long were you (or they) thinking about doing it before it actually got done? Think about this honestly. It is incredibly rare that anyone would just decide out of nowhere that they are going to break-up with someone else. It's usually an extended and laborious process of weighing the pros and cons of the relationship...even though the cons obviously already outweigh the pros, otherwise you wouldn't be weighing things in the first place...but I digress. My point is that when a couple breaks up, most of the time someone gets hurt and therefore sits there begging the other person not to go through with it, or to change their mind and take them back. But why do we beg? Why bother trying to convince them that they should stay with you? They've already made that decision. If you've been together for 1 1/2 years, then they have probably been thinking about breaking up with you for about 6 months or so before that. It's not like it was a decision that was made in haste. Even if they aren't going to miss you, they are probably going to still miss the comfort of the relationship (otherwise, there really is no reason left to be there), and that is what keeps them holding on. So really, you should have been on a reconnaissance mission long before the actual break-up came along in order to have any chance of saving it, but of course, when the problems started, it wasn't like you were aware that anything was really wrong...that's something you don't figure out until after the fact - "Okay, yeah. Maybe things weren't the same anymore. Maybe we weren't really having sex much. Maybe he wasn't really very affectionate with me anymore."...You always figure it out later. That's the way she blows.
The funny thing is, it doesn't even matter that I've called us all out on this. We will all continue to do it, because when your heart gets broken, you would do anything to unbreak it...It literally is one of the worst feelings in the world. Right now, I am extremely happy in my relationship, but you will be the first to know if I slip into "take me back" land.
Sounding a little pessimistic?
- Jenn
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Sunday, March 06, 2011
"When a relationship is going well, and I feel connected to someone, I'm most definitely a person who shows my comfort and admiration for my significant other through physical actions"
Ok, so...
First, my apologies for taking so long to write. I have been back from my trip for a few days now, but I had some things to deal with in my personal, unwritten about, life. Now that things are sorted out...I'm back!
Have you ever heard of love languages? And yes, I know what you are going to say. "Really, Jenn? Really? You are writing about THIS?" I would have to agree in saying that this isn't really my usual kind of natter...The whole idea is a little bit fruitier than I like to be, but at the same time, I think it has some real validity.
The 5 love languages ( as stated on the love languages website - no infringement intended) are:
Now, my second love language - the one that was tied with Physical Touch - is Quality Time. I admit that I was somewhat surprised to see that come up. I'm not denying the importance of spending time together in any way, but I didn't realize that it was as important to me as Physical Touch...at first. Honestly, after reading the results, and then thinking about the relationship that I'm in right now? It makes complete and total sense. We are struggling with finding enough time to be together because of the distance between us, and I admit that it is something that really bums me out. Everything is going really well, but there is no denying that enough Quality Time with someone is crucial to the growth of a relationship. This has brought on the incorporation of Skype into our relationship to help with the distance...so I guess Quality Time really is important to me after all?
So folks? What is your love language? Take the quiz and post your results! Let me know why you think those things are most important to you, and feel free to post anonymously if this all feels too personal for you! I would love to see what all of your love languages are!!
In the mood for love,
- Jenn
EDIT: Listen you bums, I know how many people have read this! I check my stats! Post a comment!! You don't even have to do the quiz? Just rank them in order from 1 to 5. Sheesh!
First, my apologies for taking so long to write. I have been back from my trip for a few days now, but I had some things to deal with in my personal, unwritten about, life. Now that things are sorted out...I'm back!
Have you ever heard of love languages? And yes, I know what you are going to say. "Really, Jenn? Really? You are writing about THIS?" I would have to agree in saying that this isn't really my usual kind of natter...The whole idea is a little bit fruitier than I like to be, but at the same time, I think it has some real validity.
The 5 love languages ( as stated on the love languages website - no infringement intended) are:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Now, my second love language - the one that was tied with Physical Touch - is Quality Time. I admit that I was somewhat surprised to see that come up. I'm not denying the importance of spending time together in any way, but I didn't realize that it was as important to me as Physical Touch...at first. Honestly, after reading the results, and then thinking about the relationship that I'm in right now? It makes complete and total sense. We are struggling with finding enough time to be together because of the distance between us, and I admit that it is something that really bums me out. Everything is going really well, but there is no denying that enough Quality Time with someone is crucial to the growth of a relationship. This has brought on the incorporation of Skype into our relationship to help with the distance...so I guess Quality Time really is important to me after all?
So folks? What is your love language? Take the quiz and post your results! Let me know why you think those things are most important to you, and feel free to post anonymously if this all feels too personal for you! I would love to see what all of your love languages are!!
In the mood for love,
- Jenn
EDIT: Listen you bums, I know how many people have read this! I check my stats! Post a comment!! You don't even have to do the quiz? Just rank them in order from 1 to 5. Sheesh!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
"It's like, 'hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again."
Ok, so...
In the joys of embarking on a new relationship, you always make new discoveries. You know, all about them, all about you, and all about how you interact together. Every new relationship introduces you to something original and fresh which, at least in the early stages, is something that can hopefully be considered a "good" original and fresh. Lately, I've been introduced (if not reintroduced) to an idea that is indeed something awesome...and that something awesome is this: Kissing is significantly underrated. Once sex becomes involved in a relationship - and the point at which this occurs (earlier or later) really doesn't matter because the result is the same - the concept of really making out really goes out the window. All of a sudden, it's like a race to the button! You both just can't get there fast enough! Women need foreplay in order to enjoy sex just as much as their partner, yet all of that gets totally disregarded once a couple starts having sex regularly. It's like, "hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again. If we aren't careful, sex can become a monotonous, stagnant practice with little to no excitement (depressing isn't it?), and isn't that the last thing we want to have happen? A 15 minute routine that you can literally describe every second of before it happens?
I am fortunate enough to not be in this situation right now - I quite seriously have very little to complain about, but it's when you are in a situation like this (a good one) that you realize how much you might of had to complain about before! I didn't realize how much of a the pre-show I was missing, until it got brought back! Making out is awesome! It felt good when we were 15, and it still feels damn good now, and we'd see that if we actually spent any time doing it! It's time to bring the make-out back people. It's been in the grave for far too long!!
Blowing off some steam,
- Jenn
In the joys of embarking on a new relationship, you always make new discoveries. You know, all about them, all about you, and all about how you interact together. Every new relationship introduces you to something original and fresh which, at least in the early stages, is something that can hopefully be considered a "good" original and fresh. Lately, I've been introduced (if not reintroduced) to an idea that is indeed something awesome...and that something awesome is this: Kissing is significantly underrated. Once sex becomes involved in a relationship - and the point at which this occurs (earlier or later) really doesn't matter because the result is the same - the concept of really making out really goes out the window. All of a sudden, it's like a race to the button! You both just can't get there fast enough! Women need foreplay in order to enjoy sex just as much as their partner, yet all of that gets totally disregarded once a couple starts having sex regularly. It's like, "hmmm, I must do good work to make her see that I am a glorious lover" and then once we've just started to become convinced, all the stuff that was convincing us in the first place goes racing off, never to be seen again. If we aren't careful, sex can become a monotonous, stagnant practice with little to no excitement (depressing isn't it?), and isn't that the last thing we want to have happen? A 15 minute routine that you can literally describe every second of before it happens?
I am fortunate enough to not be in this situation right now - I quite seriously have very little to complain about, but it's when you are in a situation like this (a good one) that you realize how much you might of had to complain about before! I didn't realize how much of a the pre-show I was missing, until it got brought back! Making out is awesome! It felt good when we were 15, and it still feels damn good now, and we'd see that if we actually spent any time doing it! It's time to bring the make-out back people. It's been in the grave for far too long!!
Blowing off some steam,
- Jenn
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
"I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? "
Ok, so...
I feel that this entry may provoke controversy, as one of my posts in the past did when a male reader took a gander. I have no idea how many of my readers out there are guys, and I have no idea who it was that left the comment. It may have been someone I know, a regular anonymous reader, or just some arbitrary guy who happened to stumble upon my work. Either way, he was a little perturbed with what I had to say, so I offer this in fair warning: If what I've written offends anyone, that wasn't my direct intention. This is just what I think. As I say, I'm a good rambler and it's a good reason for a blog.
Therefore...bring it on.
"Guys are the new girls." A lovely, and what I would call rather fascinating, friend of mine said this to me not too long ago. She actually requested that I write about it then, and I said that I would...but then I put it off. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how to attack it...I mean, that's a pretty lofty claim to make isn't it? "Guys are the new girls?" What does that even mean? What exactly is it that we portray where men could somehow have just learned to morph into it (and keyword being JUST because I am classifying it as something rather "new")?
Okay, yes. That 's just me getting all philosophical - pointing out that there isn't simply just one view on this. However, that doesn't mean I don't know what my friend was specifically getting at. I do, and what she was getting at was this: Men are wusses. They have turned into the soft-hearted, whimpering, idealists - something that used to be synonymous with being a women. Now, don't go off and get your panties all in a bunch. I'm clearly not insinuating that all men are like this! I'm not even suggesting that half are like this, but I am implying that there are more men like this than ever before. I'm also not saying that all women cry themselves to sleep in a mountain of Puffs+Lotion, sobbing their hurt feelings away when twilight sets in. Essentially, I'm just addressing a stereotype that has been put into place by our society! Folks, don't shoot the messenger!
Now, more than ever before, it has become common place to see a man: 1) Throw a fit when something doesn't go his way. 2) Cry when he gets dumped. 3) Seek revenge on the person that hurt him. 4) Talk shit about that person behind their back to all his friends (and yours!)...annnnddd the list could go on, but I think you see my point. All of these behaviours are those that have always been so closely associated with an emotionally desecrated women. I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? However, lately it seems that hell has crossed the divide and taken up residence with men! You may think that I'm talking out of my ass here, but I can actually think of countless examples of this as I sit here, right now, in this very moment! I don't even have to take a ONE minute out to come up with any! That's how many I have! If I used people's names (which you know I don't), I could give an actual innumerable amount of instances where this has occurred! I do not lie. Seriously.
Which only leaves one question? Why is this happening? Gentleman, your input would be highly appreciated, because if I recall a few years back in just my own life alone, the one that got away (and dude, if you happen to read this, you should comment) put me through unmitigated, consummate hell for feeling any of those things? Now, I fully admit that I was not easy to get along with, like fully know that I was an absolute asshole in moments, but I think I got worse the more he put me through. Women are always punished for showing heartbreak, and yet, men have now decided that they want to wallow away in a pint of Haagen Dazs too? It doesn't make any sense!
I write about this based on experiences from my own life, and the many I have witnessed go down in the lives of people close to me...so yes, I do think I have a leg to stand on! It just seems that the further into the 21st century we go, the more likely it is that we are going to see more people living out their lives with the "heart on my sleeve" mentality, men and women a like...and what I'm really starting to wonder is, can we handle it?
Inspired by the inspired,
- Jenn
I feel that this entry may provoke controversy, as one of my posts in the past did when a male reader took a gander. I have no idea how many of my readers out there are guys, and I have no idea who it was that left the comment. It may have been someone I know, a regular anonymous reader, or just some arbitrary guy who happened to stumble upon my work. Either way, he was a little perturbed with what I had to say, so I offer this in fair warning: If what I've written offends anyone, that wasn't my direct intention. This is just what I think. As I say, I'm a good rambler and it's a good reason for a blog.
Therefore...bring it on.
"Guys are the new girls." A lovely, and what I would call rather fascinating, friend of mine said this to me not too long ago. She actually requested that I write about it then, and I said that I would...but then I put it off. Honestly, I wasn't quite sure how to attack it...I mean, that's a pretty lofty claim to make isn't it? "Guys are the new girls?" What does that even mean? What exactly is it that we portray where men could somehow have just learned to morph into it (and keyword being JUST because I am classifying it as something rather "new")?
Okay, yes. That 's just me getting all philosophical - pointing out that there isn't simply just one view on this. However, that doesn't mean I don't know what my friend was specifically getting at. I do, and what she was getting at was this: Men are wusses. They have turned into the soft-hearted, whimpering, idealists - something that used to be synonymous with being a women. Now, don't go off and get your panties all in a bunch. I'm clearly not insinuating that all men are like this! I'm not even suggesting that half are like this, but I am implying that there are more men like this than ever before. I'm also not saying that all women cry themselves to sleep in a mountain of Puffs+Lotion, sobbing their hurt feelings away when twilight sets in. Essentially, I'm just addressing a stereotype that has been put into place by our society! Folks, don't shoot the messenger!
Now, more than ever before, it has become common place to see a man: 1) Throw a fit when something doesn't go his way. 2) Cry when he gets dumped. 3) Seek revenge on the person that hurt him. 4) Talk shit about that person behind their back to all his friends (and yours!)...annnnddd the list could go on, but I think you see my point. All of these behaviours are those that have always been so closely associated with an emotionally desecrated women. I mean, hell hath no fury like a women scorned...at least that USED to be the case? However, lately it seems that hell has crossed the divide and taken up residence with men! You may think that I'm talking out of my ass here, but I can actually think of countless examples of this as I sit here, right now, in this very moment! I don't even have to take a ONE minute out to come up with any! That's how many I have! If I used people's names (which you know I don't), I could give an actual innumerable amount of instances where this has occurred! I do not lie. Seriously.
Which only leaves one question? Why is this happening? Gentleman, your input would be highly appreciated, because if I recall a few years back in just my own life alone, the one that got away (and dude, if you happen to read this, you should comment) put me through unmitigated, consummate hell for feeling any of those things? Now, I fully admit that I was not easy to get along with, like fully know that I was an absolute asshole in moments, but I think I got worse the more he put me through. Women are always punished for showing heartbreak, and yet, men have now decided that they want to wallow away in a pint of Haagen Dazs too? It doesn't make any sense!
I write about this based on experiences from my own life, and the many I have witnessed go down in the lives of people close to me...so yes, I do think I have a leg to stand on! It just seems that the further into the 21st century we go, the more likely it is that we are going to see more people living out their lives with the "heart on my sleeve" mentality, men and women a like...and what I'm really starting to wonder is, can we handle it?
Inspired by the inspired,
- Jenn
Monday, February 07, 2011
"The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter 'Relationship Poison.' "
Ok, so...
First of all, my absolute apologies for taking over a week to post a new entry. That's absolutely abysmal of me, and I am truly sorry for that. I've actually been working on this particular entry all week! I just couldn't find time to finish it! However, I've got the time now (well not really, but the guilt is eroding at my conscience), so here it is:
Have you ever thought about how your friendships affect your relationships, and vice-versa? Sometimes, your friends are great - they are the absolute greatest support system you can possibly have! They love your significant other and they welcome he or she into almost every possible social situation they can, and you love them for that because, of course, you care very much about what they think. I'm very thankful for how supportive my friends have been. The one's in both my lives...school, and home...who do everything they can to be the most accommodating in every situation. I'm also extremely thankful that the person they are working so hard to show love for, is showing it back...because that has not always been the case for me. In fact, it was not all that long ago when I last had a nightmarish struggle with that.
I spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with a person who refused to give anyone in one half of my life a chance. The people at home? The best people in the world. The people at school? It was a virtual ^&*% you. Clearly, him doing nothing to get to know them did nothing for me because I spent 8 months of the year with those people...people who I loved, and continue to love very much. He said he had nothing in common with them, he couldn't connect because he had never been a university student (something that I never understood to be honest...I mean, I'm a university student?) and that became an increasingly hard burden for me to carry on my shoulders. It began to affect our relationship, and ultimately how I felt about him. My feelings for him deteriorated, and while he did eventually change, and we gave it another shot...I could never forget how big of a corner he backed me into, and my fear of that reoccurring never let me open back up to him. That relationship failed and I'll never be able to go back to it or anything like it ever again. And really, when I think about it, it seems so silly to be thankful for someone who loves your friends and works to build relationships with them because that should just be part of the deal...but for me, it wasn't, and I am now so appreciative of someone for whom this is just second nature.
Now, all of that being said...there are people that fit on the other end of the spectrum. Those people that do absolutely nothing to help the situation. The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter "Relationship Poison." This is that friend that influences everything about your relationship in a way that is not even remotely helpful. Their comments make you doubt yourself. They nit-pick at any little concern you may have about your significant other. They point out anything that THEY feel is a weak point for you both as a couple. Everything they say is completely out of hand in every way possible, and completely inappropriate to boot. If you are lucky enough to have not experienced this, than kudos to you...because I have, and unfortunately enough, it tends to be something that you don't really catch on to until it's already had some kind of detrimental effect on your relationship, sometimes even beyond the point of repair.
But obviously, we all need friends to survive. There is no way around that - socialization is key to a happy, healthy life...which just opens up a whole new can of worms...What is more important? Friends, or your boyfriend (or girlfriend - you know the drill). I'll leave that open for debate!
Sincerely sorry for taking over a week off,
- Jenn
First of all, my absolute apologies for taking over a week to post a new entry. That's absolutely abysmal of me, and I am truly sorry for that. I've actually been working on this particular entry all week! I just couldn't find time to finish it! However, I've got the time now (well not really, but the guilt is eroding at my conscience), so here it is:
Have you ever thought about how your friendships affect your relationships, and vice-versa? Sometimes, your friends are great - they are the absolute greatest support system you can possibly have! They love your significant other and they welcome he or she into almost every possible social situation they can, and you love them for that because, of course, you care very much about what they think. I'm very thankful for how supportive my friends have been. The one's in both my lives...school, and home...who do everything they can to be the most accommodating in every situation. I'm also extremely thankful that the person they are working so hard to show love for, is showing it back...because that has not always been the case for me. In fact, it was not all that long ago when I last had a nightmarish struggle with that.
I spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with a person who refused to give anyone in one half of my life a chance. The people at home? The best people in the world. The people at school? It was a virtual ^&*% you. Clearly, him doing nothing to get to know them did nothing for me because I spent 8 months of the year with those people...people who I loved, and continue to love very much. He said he had nothing in common with them, he couldn't connect because he had never been a university student (something that I never understood to be honest...I mean, I'm a university student?) and that became an increasingly hard burden for me to carry on my shoulders. It began to affect our relationship, and ultimately how I felt about him. My feelings for him deteriorated, and while he did eventually change, and we gave it another shot...I could never forget how big of a corner he backed me into, and my fear of that reoccurring never let me open back up to him. That relationship failed and I'll never be able to go back to it or anything like it ever again. And really, when I think about it, it seems so silly to be thankful for someone who loves your friends and works to build relationships with them because that should just be part of the deal...but for me, it wasn't, and I am now so appreciative of someone for whom this is just second nature.
Now, all of that being said...there are people that fit on the other end of the spectrum. Those people that do absolutely nothing to help the situation. The ones that you wish would *&^% off at every turn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING they do, is of any help. At. All. Period. Enter "Relationship Poison." This is that friend that influences everything about your relationship in a way that is not even remotely helpful. Their comments make you doubt yourself. They nit-pick at any little concern you may have about your significant other. They point out anything that THEY feel is a weak point for you both as a couple. Everything they say is completely out of hand in every way possible, and completely inappropriate to boot. If you are lucky enough to have not experienced this, than kudos to you...because I have, and unfortunately enough, it tends to be something that you don't really catch on to until it's already had some kind of detrimental effect on your relationship, sometimes even beyond the point of repair.
But obviously, we all need friends to survive. There is no way around that - socialization is key to a happy, healthy life...which just opens up a whole new can of worms...What is more important? Friends, or your boyfriend (or girlfriend - you know the drill). I'll leave that open for debate!
Sincerely sorry for taking over a week off,
- Jenn
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